anyone got good advice with overthinking in relationships?
i can never shake the feeling out of my head that i’m not good enough to be with my boyfriend. he’s away for a while - he’s really enjoying the trip and i trust him wholeheartedly, but there’s always a lingering thought in the back of my mind that he’ll meet someone better. to be honest if it happens i wouldnt be surprised, i feel like i’m pretty boring amongst other things. it’s almost like i’m preparing myself for it - he does tell me he loves me and misses me but idk, just cant really feel it.
overthinking
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Heather
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Re: overthinking
Hello again, tvrbvlnc.
Before I say more, can you let me know if this is this same partner you're asking about? viewtopic.php?p=77943#p77943
Before I say more, can you let me know if this is this same partner you're asking about? viewtopic.php?p=77943#p77943
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tvrbvlnc
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Re: overthinking
yeah it is 
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amber
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Re: overthinking
Hi!
From reading your other posts it seems like you feel lots of pressure, and subsequent quilt, in this relationship especially surrounding sex. Would you say that is an accurate observation? I bring it up because those same feelings could be contributing to this feeling of being 'not enough'.
In healthy relationships, our partners like us for us and NOT how well we can transform ourselves to be what they’d like (or what we assume they like).
Have you tried talking to your partner about this or any of the other pressures you have been feeling?
From reading your other posts it seems like you feel lots of pressure, and subsequent quilt, in this relationship especially surrounding sex. Would you say that is an accurate observation? I bring it up because those same feelings could be contributing to this feeling of being 'not enough'.
In healthy relationships, our partners like us for us and NOT how well we can transform ourselves to be what they’d like (or what we assume they like).
Have you tried talking to your partner about this or any of the other pressures you have been feeling?
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tvrbvlnc
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Re: overthinking
to be honest yeah you’re right
i’m not the type of person to focus that much on sex in a relationship. pressure is a good word for it, also i don’t know how i feel when i get comments on my breasts or anything like that - maybe because i’m not used to it or something like that. he loves me for who i am, but that me just goes along with what he wants because its in my nature. i dont say no to people. i cant. is it too much to ask for him to compliment me even when im not wearing makeup/ wearing nice stuff? he even says i dont need to wear makeup but i think its just bs
i’m not the type of person to focus that much on sex in a relationship. pressure is a good word for it, also i don’t know how i feel when i get comments on my breasts or anything like that - maybe because i’m not used to it or something like that. he loves me for who i am, but that me just goes along with what he wants because its in my nature. i dont say no to people. i cant. is it too much to ask for him to compliment me even when im not wearing makeup/ wearing nice stuff? he even says i dont need to wear makeup but i think its just bs
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Re: overthinking
Hey there tvrbvlnc!
I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing pressure in your relationship, and that you’re finding yourself going along with what he wants. Nobody deserves to feel this way, and I’m sorry that you have been feeling this way. I first wanted to say that if you’re uncomfortable with having someone comment on your breasts, you don’t have to endure that. You can say no to that, and the other person needs to respect that. How does hearing that make you feel?
I also hear you that you don’t like to say no to people. Could you talk a little more about what that’s like for you? Too, what would it look like for you to say no?
I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing pressure in your relationship, and that you’re finding yourself going along with what he wants. Nobody deserves to feel this way, and I’m sorry that you have been feeling this way. I first wanted to say that if you’re uncomfortable with having someone comment on your breasts, you don’t have to endure that. You can say no to that, and the other person needs to respect that. How does hearing that make you feel?
I also hear you that you don’t like to say no to people. Could you talk a little more about what that’s like for you? Too, what would it look like for you to say no?
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tvrbvlnc
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Re: overthinking
i just get a feeling of guilt when i say no to things. i’m the type of person to go along with what others want, because id rather see them happy than myself. if i was saying no it would be a “i’ll pass” or “no i’m sorry”
the thing is if i say no to people i just hate the bad feeling around us and i feel guilty all of a sudden. but i don’t feel good sometimes when i go along with what others want. in my relationship i just want my boyfriend happy. ive never really tended to care about myself
the thing is if i say no to people i just hate the bad feeling around us and i feel guilty all of a sudden. but i don’t feel good sometimes when i go along with what others want. in my relationship i just want my boyfriend happy. ive never really tended to care about myself
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Re: overthinking
Hi, tvrbvlnc:
I understand the uncomfortable emotions that come with saying no to others and wanting to do everything we can to please those we love. HOWEVER, we also have to do the same for ourselves! I have had some very important lessons in saying no - particularly, if I know I am setting safe and appropriate boundaries for myself, prioritizing my emotions so that I also feel good, and finding ways that both I and those I am around feel joy. You really don't have to ever feel guilty for saying no or setting boundaries, or putting yourself first, especially if you are not feeling good yourself.
It's good to want others to be happy, but you have to have the same desire for yourself too. Does this relationship overall make you happy or are there things not happening in this relationship that you would like to have? Try focusing on if this relationship is working for you, rather than bending your perspective to fit the other person.
Here is a good article that walks through the decision of staying or going in a relationship:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... hould-i-go
I understand the uncomfortable emotions that come with saying no to others and wanting to do everything we can to please those we love. HOWEVER, we also have to do the same for ourselves! I have had some very important lessons in saying no - particularly, if I know I am setting safe and appropriate boundaries for myself, prioritizing my emotions so that I also feel good, and finding ways that both I and those I am around feel joy. You really don't have to ever feel guilty for saying no or setting boundaries, or putting yourself first, especially if you are not feeling good yourself.
It's good to want others to be happy, but you have to have the same desire for yourself too. Does this relationship overall make you happy or are there things not happening in this relationship that you would like to have? Try focusing on if this relationship is working for you, rather than bending your perspective to fit the other person.
Here is a good article that walks through the decision of staying or going in a relationship:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... hould-i-go