How do I tell people this

[Layne232]

Okay, so I’m gay—but recently, I’ve been thinking I might be bisexual. I’ve never had a romantic attraction to a girl, but I’ve definitely felt sexual attraction to one. I don’t know how to tell anyone, and I don’t want to be known as “the gay guy” anymore, because I used to be really feminine. I had long hair, wore makeup, shopped in the women’s clothing section, and only had friends who were girls. But recently, I found my style, and it’s way more masculine. I feel like that could ruin my chances of even trying to form a romantic connection with a girl, because she might still see me as someone I’m not anymore. I tried telling my closest friend that I thought I might be bi, and she thought I was joking—but honestly, I’m not even sure if I am. Altogether, I’m just confused and could use some help meee

[maille]

Hi, Layne232!

I have never been one for labels due to how stuck and limited they can make people feel, and how they can not really encapsulate such complex feelings. As I am sure you have heard many times before, sexuality is very fluid. The terms we ascribe to ourselves can be ever changing. For this reason some people chose to not use such confining one word terms. How important is it to you to have a word to describe your preferences?

I understand you are worried that others’ perception of you, might not be in line with how you actually feel. Do you think people’s sexuality is defined by their appearances?

I also think that it could be an interesting experiment for you if you did not worry about perception and presentation as much, and formed romantic connections with girls who saw past gay stereotypes and old labels.

[Layne232]

Hi, Mallie!

thanks for your message—it really got me thinking. I agree that labels can feel limiting, and I’m starting to see how fluid things really are. I think having a word is more grounding, but right now I’m more focused on figuring out how I actually feel.

And yeah, I do think a lot of people believe appearance equals sexuality. That’s been part of my struggle—feeling boxed in by how I’ve looked or acted in the past. I like what you said about letting go of that and just connecting with people who see beyond the labels. Definitely something I want to try.

[maille]

Of course! Glad you found it helpful.

And I agree there a pros to labels, like the grounding you mentioned. Plus they can make it easy to identify community.

Let us know how it goes and if you have any more questions!

[Layne232]

Of course! Glad you found it helpful.

And I agree there a pros to labels, like the grounding you mentioned. Plus they can make it easy to identify community.

Let us know how it goes and if you have any more questions!

Yes I’ll let you know if I have anymore questions!

I just realized I spelt your name wrong kinda embarrassing sorry about that