can fingering get my gf preganant

[sampha]

hi first off i want to say you guys are doing such a good job at educating people like us my anxiety has somewhat calmed after readin related posts on this so keep up the good work <33
so on 13th may 2025 me and my gf met up at a park (our parents are super strict we cant meet up at houses) it was a pretty lone park and we were in a dark place where we made out and then engaged in manual sex she gave me a bj first and i fingered her now the thing thats buggin me now is that im 90 percent sure my hand was dry or atleast had very trace amounts of precum/semen i fingered her pretty deep too. fast forward to 26th may she told shes missed her period by 4 days and today i.e 3rd august it makes it 8 days, the anxiety is eating me up every night i havent slept for the past 4 days, pls tell me is there any chance of her being pregnant or am i just bein paranoid for no reason because i could really use some reassurance. ive also read all of yalls articles on pregnancy risks and all the posts on how fingering regardless of semen or pre ejaculate cant pose any pregnancy risk but i wanted to share my exact situation so i could be reassured thank you so much for reading this far <33

[KierC]

Hey Sampha, and welcome to the boards! We’re so glad to have you here.

The situation you’ve described does not pose a risk to pregnancy. Sperm cells immobilize very quickly when exposed to the air, and would not survive the transfer through the air onto your hand. I would suspect the late period is due to another factor, possibly stress! Though, in situations like this where you’re really anxious about it, a good way to tell for sure is to take a pregnancy test. It can really help sometimes just to have the negative result staring you in the face. Know what I mean?

Is it possible for her to access and take a pregnancy test?

[sampha]

i do understand that she cant get pregnant from this because my house never had any talks on sex thats why this typa stuff makes me anxious sometimes and im also dealing with the loss of a childhood frnd so its all just crashing down on me, her missing periods for 8 days is making me not be able to sleep but she did say that shes been having the usual vaginal discharges she has, and no sadly she cant access a pregnancy test her household is pretty strict

[sampha]

sorry to bother you so much but i just wanna know that she is not pregnant right based on my situation ive read all your articles and they were perfectly designed but it you could just reassure me that would mean so much to me you have no idea thanks !!

[Latha]

Hi there, Sampha

Thanks for your compliments about our articles! And don’t worry, you are not bothering us. I’m only sorry to see that this is making you feel so worried, and I’m thinking about what would help. A negative result from a pregnancy test would help you see it for sure, but just with the information we have, I think you are right — your girlfriend is not pregnant. Pregnancy from pre-ejaculate is very unlikely, and sperm cells would not survive going from your body, to your hand, to her body. It is just not possible to become pregnant from the activities you mentioned.

We could continue to reassure you, but I’m not sure a lack of reassurance is the main problem here. Needing more reassurance is a result of your anxiety… what is the cause?

I think you touched on a few things that would make me feel anxious in your situation. You grew up in a family that did not discuss sex openly, where the topic itself was probably forbidden. That means you’ve had to learn about sex on your own, and you probably don’t feel you’ll have support if you need help. Both you and your girlfriend have strict families who don’t seem to approve or even know about your relationship. You don’t have to tell them, but secrecy is stressful, and I imagine they would not react well if they found out that your girlfriend was pregnant. When the risks are so high, it is makes sense that you would worry. You’ve read our articles that are clear about the fact that there are no risks, and you’ve listened to us tell you that there is no chance of pregnancy, but you still want reassurance because pregnancy is a terrifying outcome for you — there is no room for error, so you keep looking for anything you could have possibly missed just to stay safe.

The thing is, you haven’t missed anything. You have all the information you need. Your girlfriend is not pregnant.

Do these causes seem right to you? Focusing on providing reassurance may not help that much in the long term because it doesn’t get at the source of the issue, but we can talk about what you can do to manage these feelings. Would you like that?

P.S. you mentioned that your partner has four days late in May and eight days late now. If your girlfriend has had any periods since the 13th of May, that is yet another indication that she is not pregnant, because periods do not occur during pregnancy.

[sampha]

yes well to get a lil open now i have been brought up in a orthodox heavily culture influenced muslim household so there was always a curtain on these topics, and even i tried to bring em up, my father.. used to beat me with a stick or a belt im sorry this is a little hard for me to share but i just wanna get it over with i hope im not burdening you too much with these things ik yall are really busy. so thats where my fear of sexual things started, i uh also was molested when i was in third grade by my aunt she uh touched me under my shirt and caressed her hand over my whole body and it just scares me when i talk about it sorry

P.S my gf was supposed to her period 4 days before 26th may but she hasnt had them yet so it makes like 9 days now thats another reason im anxious ik shes not pregnant but yk it like is pretty anxiety inducing im sorry

[KierC]

Hi Sampha,

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that this happened. Thank you for being open with us and sharing. I know that’s not easy to do and I am really grateful that you’ve trusted us with this information, though I am terribly sorry that they chose to do that to you. You do not deserve to be beaten or abused. Nobody does.

Before we continue, I want to check in on your safety with regard to your dad and your aunt. Do you feel safe currently? Do you live with your dad, or does he or your aunt have access to you in a way that might be unsafe for you?

I want you to know, you are not a burden on us for sharing this. This is what we’re here for, and we are completely here to talk with you about this in whatever way you need. You’re not alone here. <3

I also hear you that there’s been this veil over sexual topics, and that asking questions about sexual health was connected to being beaten. If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like it’s made it more difficult to address this anxiety surrounding pregnancy anxiety and sexual topics in general. Did I understand you correctly there?

[sampha]

mhm you understood me better than anyone else to be honest ill be in your gratitude always, well i am far away from my aunt tho i see glimpses of her at family functions and he just brings that horrible experience back you feel me, and sadly im 18 i do have to live with my father hes really misogynistic called my mother names threatened to raise his hand on her and once punched her in the shoulder with mild force still i just hate it at my home i just want to be the best husband best father so my kids never hate when i come back home. ik i have alot of potential this fear of abuse and the condition that boys are just suppose to take it and move on, trust me ive tried everything but that fear lingers deep in me idk if it can ever get outta me

[KierC]

Ah, that information is helpful. Thank you so much for being open with us here. We’re here for you and want to help in any way we can.

I’m glad to hear there’s at least minimal contact with your aunt, though I imagine it must be quite scary to see her, even if infrequently. I can appreciate how it brings up painful memories when you see the person who harmed you.

I am so sorry to hear that your dad treats you and your mom this way. It sounds like you’ve identified that he’s misogynistic and has been physically abusive toward both of you. From what you’re describing, it also sounds like this is a scary and unsafe space to live in, and you deserve to feel safe first and foremost.

Can I ask, I understand you have to live with your father. Is there someone close to you, either in your family or otherwise, who you might be able to stay with if you feel physically unsafe at home?

[sampha]

im gonna be honest with you ive been beat up so many times i dont really feel the physical pain just that i wish my father couldve been duff, surprisngly my mum supports him too which in south asian homes isnt uncommon trust me. sadly no one is willing to lend a hand to me to let me crash at their place even for a day and my dad doesnt allow anything without his permission he likes having control over me i guess, i have scars for some cuts ive sustained from years of beating so i also dont like my body. again im sorry if this is gettin too deep for you i can stop if you want.

[sampha]

its just im really envious of kids with healthy loving family, i deserved that i needed that. ive been raising myself. i taught myself to how to be an actual man even tho i had a horrible rolemodel it just stings me so bad that some kids are living my dream and i have little to no good memory with my father, perhaps its to late to expect anything good now

[KierC]

It’s okay, I’m here and I’m more than open to talking with you about this. I realize there’s some elements to this that I’m not as aware of living in a Western country here, so I am open to hearing about your experience and what this is like for you where you are. I should also note, we have amazing staff members on our team from nearer to you who may be able to understand a bit more of your experience, so if you’d ever want to be in touch with them as well, I’d be happy to let them know. But, I’m here today and I am glad to speak with you and support you here, though I am so sorry it’s under these circumstances.

It sounds like you’re enduring some serious physical abuse, and that your options for leaving are limited. I want to send you this resource we have in the meantime, as it has some good information on seeking help and support locally when you live with abuse: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/abuse/s ... live-abuse

Did going through that article help a bit? Or, is there a certain form of support or help you’d find most helpful right now?

Oh, I so hear you and I’m struck by the way you want to treat people well and be a good friend and partner to people in your life. I hear you that you’ve had to raise yourself, and I’m sorry that it’s been that way. But, it sounds to me like you want to do good, and you are doing good already. It’s not too late at all for you, truly.

[sampha]

i admire your confidence in me its been a while since ive had a convo with someone whos emotionally mature haha it feels good to be heard and understood without overexplaining myself, i just dont want to be remembered by my father and if things already werent bad i look exactly like him it makes me wanna claw my face off or just burn it off but i just dont understand why he would treat his own son like that i mean ive been a good kid i also was the school topper in my 12th grade final exams, what more does he want from me i have no idea hes just made me feel completely worthless and easily disposable

[KierC]

I am glad you feel understood here. And I really feel for you with what you’re saying, it makes sense that you don’t want to be like someone who hurts you and others. But, listening to you, it sounds like you’ve identified that you are very different from him in some really important ways, you know? You identified his misogyny and his abuse, and you’ve said that you don’t agree with it. Even more, you’re thinking about plans for your future and how you believe in being kind to people and want to have healthy and happy relationships with people. To me, that signals that you’re very much your own person who cares about the people around you. I hope you can remember that, and that you can be exactly the person you want to be.

I was meaning to ask, too: have you told your girlfriend about how things are at home, or would you want to? Also, are you in school or anywhere where you could get some more time away from him, or tell someone what’s happening?

[KierC]

I also wanted to let you know that my shift for the day is ending soon, but we have extremely kind and incredible staff members here still who are here to help. I’ll also be back this week, but just know we’re all thinking of you. You’re not alone, and you are more than welcome here any time you want to talk. <3

[sampha]

thank you kier so much for giving me your time, i dont think ive had a better convo with anyone else at all, and yeah youre right ive pretty decided to be my own person i just resemble him physically which sometimes eats me up, and i have college starting later this month im gonna go studying biomedical science so im really excited for that, as for the gf part i havent told her everything even tho we've been dating 2 years i just dont feel like sharing all this to her if that makes sense because id share it someone older and pretty mature like i did with you. she also faces alot of things at home i wouldnt want to add to the worries she faces

[lilikoi]

Hi sampha,

I'm so sorry that you cannot feel safe around your family and feel eaten up by your physical resemblance to your father! Hopefully the biomedical science path is just one step towards your independence and safety.

It strikes me that you started this thread with gratitude for the articles and message board conversations you were able to read before posting yourself. After reading your story and seeing the courage it took for you to share, I wanted to reiterate that by offering your own vulnerability here, you are providing other users and listeners something special as well.

The reason that posting here doesn't burden us is that we openly provide this service for people to share and swap stories like this. Similarly, within relationships, it is okay to ask for the space to share difficult memories. I'm saying this because it sounds like you often worry about being a burden. I understand that you do not want to bog down other people with traumatic experiences when they do not have the capacity for it. By receiving permission to share, we give others the permission to share while acknowledging the weight of these conversations. The fact is that if those experiences impact you now, they are relevant for any relationship you are building now. Do you think there is someone in your life you would feel safe to let in on your experience?

[sampha]

well i have a frnd her name is natasha shes really lovely to me and we both are pretty close, and i trust her with my life i can confide in her without the fear of being judged for sure and shes really understanding and comforting to me so maybe it could be her. i also wanted to add that this website has made me feel so secure its so amazing what you guys do

[amber]

Hi sampha, I hope it is ok that I jump in!

I want to echo want lilikoi and KierC have told you - thank you for coming here and sharing how you have.

It seems to me that you are a very strong and resilient person who deserves support. It also sounds to me that your friend is absolutely someone you can confide in. How would you feel about sharing just a little bit about your current anxiety with them?

I am so glad that you are feeling secure here! I can speak for all of us when I say we are happy to continue being an outlet for you to talk through your anxieties.

[sampha]

well yes i did tell her everything yesterday she was kinda mad why i didnt tell her that before but i talked it all out with her and she was really lovely and understood everything i said, i also wanna thank you guys about how you talked me into sharing stuff and all that.. but i also wanted to add that we've got a problem

[KierC]

Hey sampha, I’m back! I’m glad to see you here.

Oh, I am so, so glad to hear you told Natasha, and that she was really understanding. <3 I know it can be really hard to confide in people in person about these things, but good on you for doing it.

Do you want to talk about the problem that came up?

[sampha]

yeah so my gfs parents found out about our relationship and well they didnt do anything catastrophic but they warned her that she shoul never be seen again with me or anything. now im all for fighting and stuff for love but honestly the trajectory of my relationship wont be better from here on out cuz we were having our own issues with each other well mostly me i was tired of her not treating me special the way i wanted to be treated which had led me to sorta detach from her within the past 2 months and her dad is really really strict, i think for her and my safety i should break it off because its the only way to keep her and me safe also our careers as well. what do yall think ? cuz i for sure know we cant continue for long under this threat

[amber]

Hi sampha,

I was glad to read that you had the chance to open up to your friend. It seems that moving forward she may be a good outlet for you to vent or seek support.

I am sorry though to hear about how you've been feeling in your relationship as well as the negative reaction from your girlfriend's parents. It sounds to me like you know what you want in terms of the relationship ending. I believe trusting yourself, and your understanding of your situation, is what is best when making this decision. We have an article here about relationships that you may find useful. Should I Stay or Should I Go?


Still, a relationship ending can certainly be difficult and we are absolutely able to help talk with you about that here. Maybe this is another thing your friend could help support you with aswell?

[sampha]

i thought about this a lot and i think i might have to break up with her in the coming days just because of the risk factors added. her dad can quite literally track me down and have me beat up or he could threaten me to stay away from her, basically nothing good is gonna come outta this so yeah i am scared for her and ME too so yup.


P.S - am i talking to much, you guys dont have to respond to everything i know yall get alot of posts every single day so sorry (

[Anya]

Heya sampha,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I think that your judgment is in the right place, and as hard as it is to step away for the time being, taking both of your safety into account, I think you're doing the right thing. It's so unfair to have to feel scared of what someone else outside your relationship might say or do, just because they have the power in the situation, but it seems like you pretty much live up to your awesomeness quotient; your emotional awareness and level-headedness are strong qualities.

It also seems like you have some pretty exciting things to look forward to coming up, biomedical science?! That sounds so cool, and we wish you all the best. Anxiety can make some experiences feel like the end of the world, but there is so much more waiting for ya out there. Glad you felt comfortable enough to share with us. I would also def recommend giving the link above to "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" a read, it brings up some good things to think about.

PS: You do not have to worry about talking too much here! We are here for YOU and will do our best to assist and support you in the ways that we can, as much as we're able. Is there anything else that you need from us right now?