Binding?

[!actua1ange1!]

I'm genderfluid, and have some times when I really, really, am a guy. I don't have a binder, but I also have really tiny boobs (A cups) so I dunno if it'd make much of a difference. That being said, I want to experience the euphoria of seeing my chest flat, without telling my parents. Unfortunately, I can't drive and don't have access to my own Amazon account, so it'd have to go through them. I have other trans friends would be willing to buy me one, but I almost feel bad considering what little I have to cover. I also do know about those free binder places, but I'm quite fortunate, and my parents are relatively supportive (about other, less concrete aspects of my gender identity, I don't want to tell them about binding because I'm scared it's "too real" for them). I feel bad about taking those resources from someone who might really need them. I dunno, I just want to find one in a way I don't feel bad about, but I still don't want to tell my parents. I present very feminine a lot of the time, and alongside my general lack of 'assets' I think that this might my desire for binding might confusing to them. They've questioned my identity before (my mom and I once got into an argument because she told me she "couldn't see me as a boy at all") so I don't want it happening again, especially with something as personal as this. Sorry, this is quite ramble-y but I just thought I might get someone else's two cents on this- I've been stewing on it for a while. Thanks!

[char]

Hi !actua1ange1! ! Have you checked out our article on binding? If you haven't, you can read it here: Trans Summer School: Gender Expression Gear

It's great that you're able to find places that offer free binders! It's understandable that you feel bad about taking them, but they are available for a reason--you're never "not trans enough" for them. However, since you've mentioned that your chest is on the smaller side, I wonder if you've tried layering your clothes. I'm not sure how the weather is in LA lately, but if it's cool enough, maybe layering your shirts could work? Since you're 15, there's a chance of your chest growing in the coming years, so I think it'd be helpful to keep that in mind.

In the meantime, if you feel bad about asking your trans friends to buy binders for you, do you think it's possible for you to save up and then ask them to buy it with the money you saved? That way, you'll still be able to get one, but you may feel less bad since you'll be using your own money.

[Heather]

Just wanted to add another suggestion! Particularly since your binder doesn't have to do a lot, you might find that a compressive sports bra does the exact same thing a binder would (they really are very similar). Asking your parents for some sports bras would also potentially allow you to get what you want from a binder without having to ask for a binder or have them even be aware of what you want this for.