Is it fine to have a fwb relationship with someone?

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

Me and a friend have been seeing each other for a while because we’re available in the same place at the same time and we’re both sexually attracted to each other. We just can’t be in a relationship because we’re not romantically compatible.

I just want to know if it’s ok to be fwb with someone since it seems like a lot of people that I’ve talked to are against the idea but I don’t understand why it would be so bad if the arrangement works for both of us.

I guess the main two issues is that we have a pretty big age gap but we’re not dating and it’s not like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do and there were times were I felt that he was actively ignoring me but we had a serious conversation about this and that’s not the case.

[Latha]

Hi Gnarp_gnarp_2

I think the right kind of relationship is one that works for the people involved. If both of you are happy with your current arrangement, it seems okay to me. And the fact that the two of you were able to handle conflict through a serious conversation is a good sign for a healthy relationship.

If I may ask, do you have a sense of why the people you've talked to are against the idea? Is it your partner's age, or the idea that sex outside of romantic relationships isn't acceptable? What does it mean for the two of you to have a pretty big age gap?

[gnarp_gnarp_2]

I think it’s because they think that having sex outside of a romantic relationship is wrong but that’s so invalidating for people that do not want romantic relationships. I also think that because there are many bad relationship dynamics that stem from big age gaps people would be more on edge about it but it’s not like we’re dating and I don’t see that they’re manipulating me into doing things I don’t want. I guess I sometimes get paranoid about things I see or hear from other people and I end up second guessing myself a lot. I think this comes from the fact that I don’t know how to be sure of myself still

[char]

Hi gnarp_gnarp_2,

Seconding what Latha said, there's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits as long as all parties consent to it and that everyone involved communicates their needs, wants, and boundaries to each other. I think these worries about the relationship being potentially harmful is completely understandable, especially knowing that there is an age gap between the two of you. But others generalizing these arrangements as inherently bad isn't going to help anyone. Considering the two of you have had a good experience in talking things through, I feel like things will be okay.

I wonder if you've talked to your friend about your worries about being in a friendship where sexual intimacy is also involved with them? I think that'd be helpful because not only can you can let off some steam, but it can also be the grounds for discussing what the two of you would like sexually. Also, these articles can provide some insight about what it means to be in a "friends with benefits" situation:
- How exactly does "friends with benefits" work?
- Casual...Cool? Making Choices About Casual Sex

How does reading this make you feel?