staying home from school

[ireallylovecats]

i’m a senior in high school and in all really advanced classes and stuff, also i have a job. at my school mental health days are pretty normalized and most of my classmates skip at least one day a week. my parents have always been pretty strict with taking days off (only if i’m sick, and only 1-2 days at that) but this year it’s beginning to get unbearable waking up super early every day, having no friends in school, nothing to look forward to, etc. i don’t want to sound like a baby because i usually just keep going but it’s been really hard lately. in october it came to a head because i couldn’t stop crying and screaming, i hated school, they let me have one day off it helped SO much. but yesterday it happened again and i’m writing this while staying home. only it was worse and the only way i can get a day off is by making a big scene and crying and screaming for hours on end or else they won’t even acknowledge it. they’re really really mad at me now because i stressed everyone out but it was the only way they would ever let me sleep in! we said really bad things to each other and they threatened to take me to the psych ward and stuff… is school really worth all that? my grades aren’t suffering because my classes just waste a lot of time on stupid stuff even though they are “advanced” and i just focus on getting the work done quick so i can relax. i think i’m suffering from burnout but they won’t listen or believe me. i’ve only missed three days since september and they think it’s too much while my classmates have missed more than ten. i’m miserable at school and it seeps into my personal life and ruins my mood and relationships with people, i’ve been losing interest in my favorite hobbies too. i just want to be happy and not work all the time. help!!

[Becky]

Hi ireallylovecats,

I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I can relate a lot to what you are saying. I struggled a lot in school with burnout and anxiety. I can't imagine what school is like for young people these days but it keeps sounding like all of the issues we had 10 years ago are just compounding and getting worse. You do not sound like a baby at all. I personally don't think the school system in the US is set up to actually support students or even really cares about learning that much and is way too focused on grades and state testing.

How would you feel about talking to a professional about how you are feeling? Would your parents be open to the discussion about you getting a therapist (not putting you in the psych ward!) Or are you able to make an appointment with a counselor at your school?

To answer your question "is school really worth all that?" is... complicated. My gut instinct is to say "no, it's not." But we also have to factor in what you want out of life. If you have a career that you are passionate about pursuing, if it will require higher education, etc, etc. And I know that doesn't sound like it matters either (considering the current state of the job market) but I do think it's important to have some plan about how you will be able to support yourself. (And this doesn't have to be a traditional job! There are lots of alternative ways to live. They may just take a bit more creativity. It's just something to think about when weighing the importance of school and how you want to pursue it.)

Now, that being said, you can absolutely get a high school diploma and even get into college without taking a bunch of advanced classes. Looking back at my high school days, if I could do it all over again I would not have taken as many AP classes. Then I could've had way less homework and maybe relaxed a little bit more (and maybe actually focused on learning instead of just getting through the work?). And I'll tell you right now, I do not think it would have made any difference in my college prospects.

Is there any chance your school would let you drop down to the regular versions of your classes where possible? Or are there other ways you can free up some time in your schedule-- like maybe giving up a job or one extracurricular activity?

Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I know how shit the US school system can be. I hope you know there's a lot of cool things on the other side of it. For example, college was a WAY better experience for me because I had more control over my schedule and what classes I was taking. Because I got to focus on what I was passionate about, I found my love of learning again. I hope you are able to find that too, if not in high school, in the near future.

[ireallylovecats]

yeah i used to have a lot of therapists but they were sort of not helping and suggesting things that weren’t there. i have one at school and she’s nice but her advice seems to be like “just make it through the year and college will open up your world” which i know is true but college feels so far away. i’ve already gotten into a few but i don’t know what i want to study exactly because i’m passionate about something niche that may not make money, however i don’t want to be stuck doing something i don’t like for the rest of my life. i guess i’ll figure it out, i’m excited. about my coursework, it’s like a special program that i’m in the second year of (last year was really tough and i did most of the work for it then so i don’t want to quit and let it go to waste) and my parents would be even angrier if i quit my job and i actually don’t want to normally, only on bad days. the money helps me buy stuff to make me feel better. but yeah i’m so grateful i got to stay home today but i have to patch things up with my parents because it was a big fight, and i don’t think this tactic will work again in the future. i’m hoping to work really hard after today so i can relax over the holiday break. thanks for listening : )

[lilikoi]

Hi ireallylovecats,

Ooh! I love hearing about niche career interests. Could you share what you're passionate about? And congrats on your college acceptances! Senior year college applications almost broke me so I'm glad you have, at least, been seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

Overall, I'm so sorry it's been a hard year for you! It sounds like the tension between you and your parents does not help when you're feeling overwhelmed. Would you say that your relationship with your parents feel easy or hard most of the time? I'm wondering if they have noticed a tension and have tried to improve the dynamic.

[Heather]

Hey there, I just want to also pop in with a question: are your parents the kind of people where you could ask to sit down and talk with them about this, and ask if you can come up with a plan to get you through the rest of the year? Could you tell them you feel like you have to behave in ways you really don't want to to get the support and breaks you need and you would prefer -- as likely they would, too -- that this go differently?

If so, it might help for you to read or share some articles like these with them:
• https://www.officepracticum.com/blog/th ... s-schools/
• https://www.nami.org/advocacy/policy-pr ... -policies/