precum and fingering

[mimicupcake4548]

Hello! So in october 25 me and my boyfriend were doing stuff to eachother at the same time (handjob and fingering) and midway through he stopped and grabbed his dick, he then washed his hands im pretty sure and continued to finger me after but im really scared as in november my period was late and lighter than usual when im always on time and quite heavy? He didnt ejaculate either which i think makes it not possible but i dont know , ive started bc since then and have had breakthrough and withdrawal bleeding on my placebo days. Could i be pregnant though, google says its unlikely but my really light period last month is freaking me out so id just really like some reassurance

[char]

Hi mimicupcake4548, welcome to the boards!

To me, it doesn't sound like there's a chance of you being pregnant here. Since there was no direct genital contact between you and your boyfriend (be it through what is known as frottage or vaginal intercourse), nor was there contact with any ejaculation, you're probably not pregnant. There could be a chance of getting an STI, but considering your boyfriend washed your hands, it's also looking unlikely. You mentioned "placebo days"--are you using any birth control pills by any chance, and if so, which ones? If that's the case, the consumption may affect your menstrual flow.

I feel like these articles of ours can reassure you:
- Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?
- The Pregnancy Panic Companion
- You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You Think You Are?
- Birth Control Bingo: The Combination Pill

How does all of this sound?

[mimicupcake4548]

Hiya! So in october when this happened i was on no birth control whatsoever and my period was light when i got it in november which has really scared me since but since then the first day i saw blood or whatever it was i started the pill since then it started as dark brown discharge and overtime has become watery red blood, so im just confused but my light period has scared me a lot as loads of people have had implantation bleeding like mine which has freaked me out the most. Ive read on here though that precum on hands cannot get you pregnant? Im just scared thats all as i really dont want to be pregnant

[char]

I see, thanks for clarifying! From your information, again, it doesn't sound like implantation bleeding, especially if you're not experiencing any other signs related to pregnancy like breast tenderness, fatigue, nausea, and more frequent mood swings. Our menstrual discharge can come in various colors, and the colors you mentioned are still considered typical. While they're not extremely rare, considering your circumstances, implantation bleeding is something you can rule out here.

[mimicupcake4548]

Im just scared because of what I did that I could possibly be pregnant but i just dont know?? Apparently hand washing eliminates sperm

[Heather]

It's much more than that. Semen on hands -- which it doesn't sound like there even was -- simply lacks a bunch of things needed for a pregnancy to be possible. Someone touching your vulva with their hands is not a way anyone can ever become pregnant, including if they also touched their own penis. It just isn't how any of this works.

Were you able to read any of the links that char shared with you? If not, I think you'd really serve yourself by taking that time to get more informed.

[mimicupcake4548]

Im really sorry if im frustrating you but i have read a few and yes theyve helped but some people reported on tiktok that they got pregnant from fingering however im pretty sure that was fresh semen instead of just pre ejaculate, see if my period was normal last month i would not be stressing today but since it was thats why im so nervous. Does washing hands make it completely safe though?

[Heather]

Tiktok is not an accurate source of information. Looking there for accurate reporting on pregnancy -- or much else -- is just not a sound thing to do. It is not fact-checked in any way, and so you cannot rely on what you see or hear people say there about just about anything.

We've already answered this question for you. We're not going to keep answering it, not because we're frustrated, but because repeating the same thing over and over isn't a sound use of our time and energy or yours, and we know from long experience and education about anxiety that endless reassurance only makes things worse.

What you can do to better help yourself here is to stop focusing on this, accept what you have been told from an accurate source -- we have been providing sex education for almost three decades now, and win awards for the good job we do -- stop looking for anything on this topic elsewhere, especially from terrible sources of information, and do things that help you calm and care for yourself when you're stressed about something. Three months in, and with so much hyperfocus on this, I assure you that if you had become pregnant from something a person could actually become pregnant from realistically, it would be very obvious you were pregnant by now. This is a long time to hold on to worries about a non-risk of pregnancy, and the holding on to it is the real problem here, and is what is causing you so much stress and anxiety.

It also sounds like moving forward, you might be well served by thinking about what you really do or don't feel comfortable doing with your boyfriend. It sounds like you actually were not comfortable with this, given all the anxiety following, so what do you think you need? Maybe not to be sexual in this way? Maybe to educate yourself some more in a calm headspace so you know the facts about pregnancy -- this would be my best choice for reading: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/pregnan ... rers-guide -- maybe for him to only touch your genitals between hand-washes...? Whatever it is you need to feel more secure, once you figure that out, sharing it with him might also help you out, okay? <3

[mimicupcake4548]

Thank you so much! From now on im going to stop asking AI and searching on tiktok because its obviously not helping me at all, i feel a lot more secure with sexual activity since starting the pill but i definitely think making him wash his hands between is a good idea so thank you for your hard work and time!

[Heather]

Oh, absolutely. AI is terrible -- terrible for the environment, terrible to those of us whose work it steals and then makes worse, terrible per rich people bleeding the rest of us dry -- and inaccurate. TikTok is a literal performance for clicks. Neither of these are accurate sources of information for anything, let alone for something as sensitive as this.

You're welcome. I'm glad you're also recognizing that you get to ask a partner for what you need to feel more secure. <3