Got an IUD recently. Can’t stop worrying about it.

[w0rries-a-lot]

Back in August I had my very first IUD inserted— the copper Paragard. No ultrasound or imaging was used to confirm placement. When I asked about a follow-up appointment, the doctor said something along the lines of how they didn’t do those and simply advised string checks; if anything was wrong I could then schedule an appointment.

Everything seems to be okay so far since then, but I just don’t trust that the IUD is positioned as it should be.
I scheduled an appointment back in November because I couldn’t feel the strings and I had been coughing hard quite a bit, having slight cramps around what I would call the uterine area at the same time when I would cough. The doctor checked me, confirmed the strings were there, and said they had curled up around the cervix or something like that. I think he mentioned they were softened/ covered in mucus at that time. So he brought them back down. There was no ultrasound confirmation at this time, but he did mention that if he couldn’t find the IUD then that’s what they would do.

I haven’t been checking but I checked today and I do feel the strings up there just a little bit, but I’m not even sure if they’re the “correct length”. I have seen people say that if they’re longer or shorter it’s a problem, but I can’t even remember or trust myself to know what the length was to begin with. I have seen people say that even though their strings were “right”, or even though the doctor said the IUD was there, they found out later that the IUD was not properly placed, and therefore not working to prevent pregnancy. I’ve seen posts/comments on social media where the person found out theirs was embedded, or moved around (even upside down), and they had no symptoms.

I really want an ultrasound to see if my IUD is where it should be, even though I know that doesn’t mean it will stay in place. I am very uncomfortable with the idea that it could “malfunction” and I won’t even know it. I have never had sexual intercourse, and I’m still too afraid to do it despite the IUD supposedly being over 99% effective and my partner having a vasectomy, plus us wanting to using condoms + withdrawal too. This is getting in the way.

I feel the urge to “baby” my IUD. I am afraid that lifting weights/strenuous exercise, putting sex toys in the vagina, fingering, and sex with my partner can knock it out of place. What is supposed to give peace of mind and comfort to others is only stressing me out, and I’m not sure how to cope.

[KierC]

Hi worries-a-lot, and welcome to the boards! We’re glad you’re here. <3

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling this anxiety and stress about your IUD since it’s been inserted. It sounds like you’ve heard some of those rarer horror stories about IUD placement and effectiveness, which might be contributing in part to some increased anxiety about your own IUD. Those stories are scary to hear, for sure, but they’re exceedingly rare. If you can feel your strings and they are approximately the same length, and you’re not experiencing a lot of pain or bleeding, you can be sure that your IUD is in place and working.

It’s normal for IUD strings to soften over time and curl around the cervix, and for the length to change very slightly as your cervix can move during different parts of the menstrual cycle. So, from what you’re describing, nothing jumps out to me as indicative of improper placement or dislodging. However, I hear you that you’re experiencing a lot of stress surrounding this. If you think it would help ease your concerns, you can also call and ask to schedule an ultrasound to confirm the placement, though it may not be covered by insurance if the IUD strings can be visualized first. As far as I know, that is most likely the reason why they didn’t do an ultrasound before, but said they’d do it if they couldn’t visualize the strings.

Apart from the logistics of the IUD itself, I’m hearing you express a bit more anxiety about pregnancy risk in general. It sounds like you’re planning on using multiple methods of birth control, which is a great thing that we do recommend! But I’m wondering if there might be a deeper anxiety surrounding pregnancy risk presenting itself here that’s contributing to the stress of the IUD placement. Is pregnancy something you find yourself more anxious about?

I also wanted to say that I can empathize with the feeling of wanting to monitor your IUD. Especially when it’s inserted and you’re getting used to it for the first few months, it can feel really new and strange, sometimes anxiety-inducing too. I think it’s common to have that heightened awareness of the IUD when it’s a new thing (I had that too, when I had my first IUD inserted), but I don’t want that to dismiss the anxiety you’re feeling surrounding this. At the end of the day, your birth control is your choice entirely, and if for any reason you decide that it doesn’t feel right, you can have it removed by your doctor.

I realize that was a lot to start, so I’ll stop there for now. How does that all land with you? Does hearing more about the IUD help a bit, or do you find yourself still feeling worried about it?

[w0rries-a-lot]

I’m still worried about it, yes.

And I have seen psychiatrists and therapists for anxiety/OCD.

I don’t want to be pregnant at any point, neither my partner or I want to be parents (hence his vasectomy), and abortion restrictions in the US make it that much harder for us to have penetrative sex at all, despite wanting it.

[Heather]

Hey there: I feel like it perhaps got missed the first time around that your partner had a vasectomy?

If I have that right, and it has been long enough since their vasectomy for them to get the all-clear that it took, please understand that that partner cannot get you pregnant, it's simply not possible. Pregnancy can't happen without sperm cells, and sperm cells can't get out of his body and into yours after a successful vasectomy. They just can't.

[w0rries-a-lot]

We haven’t reached the all-clear period yet, but I still keep seeing multiple instances of people and their vasectomy babies— yes, some didn’t wait until all-clear, but some did, got 0% for the sperm analysis, and still got pregnant (no cheating involved)! To some folks it happened years down the line after the procedure.

I just don’t understand why the chances being 1% just aren’t enough for me, but they’re fine for everyone else. I guess seeing all these failures (from people leaving comments or making posts, not big sensational news articles) makes it seem like a lot more people have accidents.

[Anya]

Hey w0rries-a-lot,

That's totally understandable to be anxious about. If you're seeing lots of content by people claiming to have gotten pregnant when their partner had a vasectomy, I get how concern might go way up. The plain truth here is though, this is just not possible. Unfortunately there are people out there who like to get on the internet and claim lots of things, but without seeing real proof, there is no way for us to fact-check. When in this position, having lots of unreliable sources claiming something is true, its often a good idea to refer to the scientifically-backed evidence does has to say. In this case, what we do know to be true is that when soemone has a vasecotmy, it is then practically impossible for them to reproduce biologically.

Is there a way you might be able to avoid or limit engagement with these unreliable posts? I know it can seem like you're risking more by not absorbing all of that information, but better info to spend time on are going to be credible medical websites and national health centers. Does this seem doable for you?

[w0rries-a-lot]

I don’t know. I feel like I’ve spent a LOT of time on credible sites, equal to if not more time than I’ve spent reading personal anecdotes, but that doesn’t make the failures I’ve seen go away.

I just can’t get comfortable unless I know for a fact the birth control/sterilization we use is functioning properly, every single time. I can’t go and get an ultrasound every time something feels “off”. I want PIV sex, but sadly it seems like I will never get to have it, as every method (doubled up, sterilized, etc) has failed someone somewhere, and there’s no guarantee I can access abortion care in a timely manner.

[Heather]

I just want to back Anya up here: after getting the all-clear, a person who has had a vasectomy cannot create a pregnancy without a reversal. Like they said, some of those people posting about years-after pregnancies may be being dishonest OR those people's partners may have been dishonest about having gotten a vasectomy. But if and when a vasectomy did actually occur, and the provider did run fertility testing and come back with an all-clear, then no, a pregnancy is not possible.

Yes, no method is 100%. But permanent methods can be assured they have taken, and once they have been, that's when you can be at 100%. I can absolutely promise you that you are not going to become pregnant with a partner who has had a vasectomy (for sure), been cleared, and with an IUD. I know you're having trouble believing it, but just in case hearing it helps it sink in, you can't. If it helps to know, I have worked in this field for almost 30 years, with a greater number of people than most, and also worked in an abortion clinic for a few of those years, so trust when I tell you I have heard all the ways all forms of BC legitimately have failed.

And, like Anya said, if you are somewhere you are seeing a lot of people saying something different, you can rest assure that you're probably not looking in places with reliable information or where the community has a solid ethic, and I'd get gone from those places. I'd also strongly suggest you stop seeking out this kind of information online: it's not likely accurate, and it obviously is not helping you at all. If you want to check with us about where you have been looking, we can help you vet, but honestly, looking in general places just isn't likely to give you reliable information.<3

I do also wonder if you might feel better if you went ahead and got an advance provision of abortion pills? Because that is something you can still do and have on hand, and they have a shelf life of at least a couple years.

One last thing I do want to make sure someone says here: penis-in-vagina intercourse isn't everyone's favorite, especially all by itself, and some people will not be satisfied by it at all. I just want to be sure that's on your radar because if you're really putting yourself through it to have that specific kind of sex, and it turns out that you don't even like it very much, or like it very much with this particular partner, or like it for a while, that could be a lot to manage emotionally if you aren't at least prepared for that as a possible outcome.

[w0rries-a-lot]

Unfortunately from what I’ve gathered I don’t think it’s legal in my state to have pills sent by mail— I was familiar with that option, and checked through the Planned Parenthood app where it said this could not be done because of the laws where I live. Abortion is not totally banned here, but is restricted.

30 years is a long time and quite admirable. Have you ever seen or heard of tubes from a vasectomy (or even bisalp) growing back? This seems to be what people have discovered as the reason behind their failure.

If you guys want to vet some of the stuff I’ve read.. a lot of it comes from the r/childfree, r/sterilization, and r/birthcontrol subs on Reddit.

[KierC]

Hello! It may actually still be possible to get abortion pills by mail in your state through Planc.org!

As Heather said, once your partner had the all-clear after the vasectomy, they cannot create a pregnancy. Because anyone can post on Reddit, it’s not a reliable source of medical information, and users there can frequently exaggerate experiences. What did you think about what Anya and Heather said about limiting your interaction with forums like that?