Bdsm Interests

[Kittens]

Hey there,

So I've know I've had interests in BDSM before I ever took an active interest in exploring my sexuality/sexual desires. However, now I have a partner that I love and trust completely and that is just as willing to try new things as I am! I've done a good bit of research about the topic, but there really is just so much you can learn online. I find the whole bdsm culture fascinating.

I currently identify as a switch, though I lean more towards being a submissive. However, I find that my interests are a bit more than just kinky sex.Although I don't exactly want it as a lifestyle either. I'm somewhere in between the two. So, my question is, if you're not just in for the occasional bondage or spanking and really want to explore bdsm on a deeper level how can you do that as a teen? Is it even appropriate to explore things like this when you're not 18+? It's just that all of the information and resources you find are all geared towards adults, and I understand that, because most things about sex are geared towards adults. But for a teen like me that really wants to explore it and get to know more about it, how should I go about that?
(Note: In case this helps: I just want to build a deeper connection with my partner through bdsm. I'm not interested in the more public/sharing aspects of bdsm. We've both agreed to have a monogamous relationship and doing things sexually or romantically with other people is off limits.)

[Sam W]

Hi Kittens,

You're not the first person to hit upon the fact that a lot of BDSM stuff is geared towards adults, and that can make both finding info and feeling as though you cant connect to the community in the same way. It can help to remember that much of the info (like how to do things in a safe/informed way, or how to discuss boundaries with a partner) works for you and your partner, even if it was written for older folks.

It might also help to figure out what building a deeper connection with your partner through BDSM would look like to you. It's okay if you can't articulate it perfectly on the first try. Sometimes doing something as simple as a brainstorm on paper can help you figure it out. The more concrete you can get, the easier it might be to find the info you need. It sounds like you two have good, open communication around this, so one option is to also just start exploring the things you want to try together (once you've established if anything is off-limits), and seeing how your sense of where BDSM fits into your relationship develops from there.