Oh, Wanjiee.
I just finished reading through this thread and I am so sorry you were treated this way. I agree with what everyone else has replied with. This guy absolutely does not deserve you. It seems as if you might have a tendency to put guys on a pedestal that they do not deserve to be on. Does that sound true of you?
Good for you for taking his number out of your phone!
Am i the problemmm???
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Wanjiee
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Re: Am i the problemmm???
It does. Damn y'all are pointing everything out in my godforsaken love life, you are right Maille. Ugh,i hope i get through this fast enough
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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- Location: Chicago
Re: Am i the problemmm???
Morning, Wanjjiee.
I want to be clear that, in your shoes, when I say I'd make a goal for myself to wait a year before I made any kind of commitments or let myself get deeply attached, I don't mean that you have to wait on dating. Rather, I'm talking about you, committing to yourself, to, when you start dating someone you want to keep dating, stay in a dating-only relationship for at least a year. You could absolutely see that person plenty, talk to them a lot, even be sexual with them if that is something you both want and that feels right, but I'm talking about not agreeing to be exclusive with them, not calling or considering them your boyfriend, not making a commitment to KEEP seeing them, or to make the relationship more serious.
And I think that if something like that feels very out of reach for you, or like it would even feel impossible for you, my next best advice is to see about accessing some therapy. A good therapist, if that's something you can access, can help a lot with something like feeling like you can't keep yourself from getting attached too soon or to crummy partners; with feeling like you want a love relationship so badly, that if anyone wants to be in one with you, that alone is enough for you to go into one with them. They can also help you learn how to slow down and take your time, and how to recognize the patterns that haven't been serving you, and help you change them to patterns that better set you up for healthy relationships with healthy people and what you actually want. <3
I want to be clear that, in your shoes, when I say I'd make a goal for myself to wait a year before I made any kind of commitments or let myself get deeply attached, I don't mean that you have to wait on dating. Rather, I'm talking about you, committing to yourself, to, when you start dating someone you want to keep dating, stay in a dating-only relationship for at least a year. You could absolutely see that person plenty, talk to them a lot, even be sexual with them if that is something you both want and that feels right, but I'm talking about not agreeing to be exclusive with them, not calling or considering them your boyfriend, not making a commitment to KEEP seeing them, or to make the relationship more serious.
And I think that if something like that feels very out of reach for you, or like it would even feel impossible for you, my next best advice is to see about accessing some therapy. A good therapist, if that's something you can access, can help a lot with something like feeling like you can't keep yourself from getting attached too soon or to crummy partners; with feeling like you want a love relationship so badly, that if anyone wants to be in one with you, that alone is enough for you to go into one with them. They can also help you learn how to slow down and take your time, and how to recognize the patterns that haven't been serving you, and help you change them to patterns that better set you up for healthy relationships with healthy people and what you actually want. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead