Can’t cum with gf :(

[bricknmortar]

hiiiiiiii…. Ive been in a relationship for a while now (yay!) with a wonderful guy (yahoo!) and we have a lot of great sex, but I’ve never cum from it We’ve tried everything we can (sex toys, oral, dual stimulation) and I’ve done mindfulness and exercises, but I just can’t cum with them, or even while he is watching. It's super upsetting, I’m starting to feel like I’m just broken, and I know she's upset too. I don’t really know what can be done but some support would be great. Should I just give up? Is it weird if I just never cum from sex? What’s wrong with me Are we doing something wrong?
Cheers,

-Brick

[Anya]

Hey bricknmortar,

First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is not weird to not orgasm during sex with a partner, and many people experience similar issues just like this. Not feeling able to orgasm with a partner often (not always, but often) comes down to subconsious feelings of pressure, anxiety, or stress. It's very common to feel on the spot, like you're being watched, or not ebing able to fully relax in this situation. These things tend to effect our psychological state (which play a bigger part in arousal, orgasm than we tend to think) and can potentially prevent us from feeling vulnerable or at ease enough to orgasm in front of someone else.

So it seems like you have been working through this for a while given your past posts and your mention of mindful exercises, so excuse any repitition in what I say here if you've already tried these suggestions. I am interested in exactly what you've been doing with these though, what kind of headspace you try and get into/what kind of exercises you've tried... Let me know so we can think through it together or narrow your options from what works/doesn't!

I want to share a few resourced with you. First, here is an advice column that covers a similar, not toally the same, but still quite relevant topic: When The Big O Is A No Show. Second, I want to share this article of ours that pretty much goes over some sexual response and orgasm basis for a bit more learning on what this process even is and how it might change when we're in the presence of others: Sexual Response and Orgasm.

How is all of this feeling to you?

[bricknmortar]

Hi Anya

What I've tried is mostly general, but i try to relax my body through deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, and focus on the sensations. I try really hard to focus on what I'm physically feeling to avoid any self judgement or zoning out. Outside of sexual activity I journal an conflicts that come up (like if something is stressing me out) before having sex again.

I am reviewing the resources you sent over.

Thank you for your response It was helpful and also of comfort to hear I'm not broken, which was weighing on me.
Cheers,

-Brick

[Sofi]

Hi there! It's great to hear Anya's response was helpful. Please let us know after you're read through the resources so we can discuss any questions or thoughts that come up for you from them. I think the exercises you mentioned are really great, by the way, so keep doing those. We'll keep chatting after you've read the pieces sent (if you'd like to, of course). <3