masturbation feels overstimulating, can’t feel pleasure from it

[kitkatk8]

I just bought my first vibrator/rose toy per my pelvic floor therapist, as I have vaginismus and it is recommended to help with dilation. But it just feels overstimulating. I have never been able to feel pleasure yet, soI tried the rose toy in the shower and it just felt kind of odd. I definitely felt something but I wouldn’t describe it as a pleasurable feeling. It just felt like a lot. How can I start to feel pleasure? I have a sex drive but find difficulty physically showing arousal (although I mentally get aroused). I’ve tried using the faucet, playing with my clit, and the toy, and the only thing that makes me feel something is the faucet and rose toy. But it still doesn’t feel “pleasurable”, it just feels a lot and kind of overstimulating. What do I do? I really want to feel pleasure and my pt recommends it, but I haven’t been able to reach that point.

[HannahP]

Hi Kitkat! This is a common issue that many people have when they try to start masturbating. It can be tricky at first to find the sweet spot between it feeling understimulating and overstimulating.

The first thing to know is that you don't need to (and probably shouldn't) try to "push past" any kind of unpleasurable or overstimulating feeling. Masturbation is supposed to feel pleasurable the whole time, and if it's not feeling good, that's often a good sign to back off rather than push forward.

It sounds like you already know that it's important that you're feeling aroused before you try to start touching your vulva. It does sound to me like you're likely using your toy before you're really aroused enough, even if you do feel like you're mentally aroused. To start with, I'd suggest reading this article, which has some great ideas for things you can do before you start masturbating to get into a good frame of mind: Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation.

Another thing I'd say is that while a lot of people like suction vibrators like the rose toy, they can be a little trickier for beginners than a regular vibrating toy. One thing that's great about a regular vibrating toy is that you can use it over a layer of fabric, like on the outside of your underwear, which can be great if having it directly against your clit is overstimulating. Here's our article about suction vibrators, How to Play With Toys: Suction Vibrators, and bullet vibrators, How to Play with Toys: Bullet Vibrators, for you to compare. But even if you stick with your rose toy, I'd suggest trying some lubricant as the article mentions. That can help make it more pleasurable and less overstimulating.

[kitkatk8]

Thank you! I will definitely read these articles. The other issue im having is im not even sure what pleasure feels like. So I don’t know what to expect. Currently when I try to use the toys I bought, it feels almost like the urge to pee (im not sure if that is overstimulation or what) & im not sure if thats normal. What is pleasure supposed to “feel like”? Although I know it’s different for everyone.

[kitkatk8]

It feels like a rising/increasing feeling, and it makes my back arch. But it feels like I have to stop (which im assuming is overstimulation. It doesn’t hurt at all, it just feels like this overwhelming feeling that I don’t know how to describe besides that I have to pee. I’m not sure if this is considered the feeling of pleasure as I just don’t imagine it to feel like this.

[amber]

Hi kitkatk8 !

The feeling like you have to pee is actually a common sensation experienced with sexual pleasure. Still I agree with Hannah that you do not need to 'push-through' anything that feels uncomfortable for you.

As Hannah also mentioned, the suction toys can be a little tricky for people new to vibrators. Have you tried using the toy in combination with others forms of touch (like your hands or the faucet)? Switching up the 'intensity' of the touch may help you both feel good but not overwhelmed. Does that make sense?