masturbation feels overstimulating, can’t feel pleasure from it

[kitkatk8]

I just bought my first vibrator/rose toy per my pelvic floor therapist, as I have vaginismus and it is recommended to help with dilation. But it just feels overstimulating. I have never been able to feel pleasure yet, soI tried the rose toy in the shower and it just felt kind of odd. I definitely felt something but I wouldn’t describe it as a pleasurable feeling. It just felt like a lot. How can I start to feel pleasure? I have a sex drive but find difficulty physically showing arousal (although I mentally get aroused). I’ve tried using the faucet, playing with my clit, and the toy, and the only thing that makes me feel something is the faucet and rose toy. But it still doesn’t feel “pleasurable”, it just feels a lot and kind of overstimulating. What do I do? I really want to feel pleasure and my pt recommends it, but I haven’t been able to reach that point.

[HannahP]

Hi Kitkat! This is a common issue that many people have when they try to start masturbating. It can be tricky at first to find the sweet spot between it feeling understimulating and overstimulating.

The first thing to know is that you don't need to (and probably shouldn't) try to "push past" any kind of unpleasurable or overstimulating feeling. Masturbation is supposed to feel pleasurable the whole time, and if it's not feeling good, that's often a good sign to back off rather than push forward.

It sounds like you already know that it's important that you're feeling aroused before you try to start touching your vulva. It does sound to me like you're likely using your toy before you're really aroused enough, even if you do feel like you're mentally aroused. To start with, I'd suggest reading this article, which has some great ideas for things you can do before you start masturbating to get into a good frame of mind: Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation.

Another thing I'd say is that while a lot of people like suction vibrators like the rose toy, they can be a little trickier for beginners than a regular vibrating toy. One thing that's great about a regular vibrating toy is that you can use it over a layer of fabric, like on the outside of your underwear, which can be great if having it directly against your clit is overstimulating. Here's our article about suction vibrators, How to Play With Toys: Suction Vibrators, and bullet vibrators, How to Play with Toys: Bullet Vibrators, for you to compare. But even if you stick with your rose toy, I'd suggest trying some lubricant as the article mentions. That can help make it more pleasurable and less overstimulating.