i’m so confused

[bayleelynne]

i’m not sure what my sexuality is, i’m leaning towards lesbian but the one thing that is stopping me from being completely sure is my attraction to older men. I’ve been questioning this for years and i’m finally slightly coming to terms with it, but i’m so confused because i fine older celebrity men hot (as weird as it sounds) but no guys my age??

I’ve always been more attracted to women my entire life, but i’m not sure if i can’t even identify as lesbian if i find the older men attractive. i don’t think i could ever see myself being intimate with a man, but i feel like i could with a woman. I keep telling myself i’m just bisexual and that i’m only attracted to older guys which is fine.

All of my friends have asked if im gay at one point and i never know what to tell them because of the tiny problem i’m having. I don’t know if any lesbians have had this experience, or if anyone has, but if anyone has had this experience i would just like some clarity on what i can identify as.

(I know labels aren’t needed but i’d feel more comfortable with one!)

To add on, i’ve dated guys and i haven’t really felt any sort of romantic feelings for them and i feel like they’re more my friend and i felt no desire to kiss them or anything. i haven’t dated any girls but ive gotten pretty close to dating them but just being in the talking stage with them i felt more than i felt for any guy ive dated. And i also find my eyes going towards women more in public and i find myself admiring them more then guys around me.

PLEASE HELP!! i’m so confused and i can’t stop thinking about it:-(.

(also please excuse any grammatical errors im half asleep typing this because i needed to get this off my chest before i go to bed.)

[char]

Hello bayleelynne! Welcome to the boards. No worries about possible grammatical errors, I understand your message just fine

I think using the words "lesbian" or "bisexual" could work in your case--after all, it all goes back to how you define those words yourself as well as how you would describe your attraction to people of all genders. Not finding men your age attractive nor wanting to date them as a bisexual person is completely fine. As a lesbian, it's also okay to have attraction over men from time to time. Some people find it helpful to differentiate between their attractions--romantic, sexual, aesthetic (how someone looks), sensual (whether or not we want to engage in physical contact with this person)--but some people don't. There's no one fixed definition, and no one can be described as a "true lesbian" or a "true bisexual". That kind of mindset can lead to the assumption that invalidate someone's experiences. Do you get what I mean?

I don't think it'd be wise for me, or anyone really, to decide which word you should use for your own experience. You're the person that knows yourself best. I think this article of ours can help you with reflecting on your orientation: The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone. The questions in the "How and When Do You Know?" section are probably the part of the article you want to pay attention to.