Thinking of becoming an egg donor but I’m a bit scared

[bluespreadsheet]

I decided to look into doing egg donations because I think the compensation would help me out a lot, and I generally don’t mind uncomfortable medical procedures as long as I know what’s going on and find it interesting.

That said, I have never even gone to a gynecologist before. I’ve never had vaginal sex, never used and insertive sex toys, and honestly haven’t even tried to use a tampon since I tried when I was 12 and it didn’t go in. I’m sure the doctors know what they’re doing and since they’re eager to have willing donors, they try to make the experience as non traumatic as possible, but obviously I still think it would feel invasive to me.

I still want to do it, but I am trying to think of ways I can prepare myself or learn the specifics of what will happen so I minimize the risk of me getting upset about it.

[amber]

Hi bluespreadsheet and welcome to the boards!

I wanna start by saying I am not that well informed on the entire process of egg donation. I am gonna ask our team of volunteers if anyone has personal experience/more knowledge that may help you.

What I do know is that the process is more complicated and involved than a typical pelvic exam at the gynecologist. Within the process you will most likely have that typical experience as you move forward within the process. How has the research process been for you? Have you be able to look into what the process looks like at a clinic near you?

[bluespreadsheet]

I have looked into it as well as several different agencies that present themselves as being very communicative of the whole process... This is my half-understanding so some details may be fudged or innacurate. Basically, after all the paperwork is set up and you've checked in with a mental health professional to make sure that you are able to accept the risks, for about two weeks they have you go on specific medications that give you pregnancy-like symptoms and go to a local clinic most mornings where they do checks that I think I remember the phrase "vaginal ultrasound" being used... Then after the two weeks you have to travel somewhere specific, they put you under sedation, then while you're sleeping use a needle to extract the eggs (which you shouldn't feel since you're sedated).

I need to look into the process more in general because I need to figure out specifically what these check ins entail. If you know someone that has gone through the process/know someone who has that would be really helpful!

[KierC]

Hey bluespreadsheet!

I don’t have personal experience or know someone who has been through egg retrieval, but I am familiar with the process. I’m glad to hear you’ve familiarized yourself with most of the process!

After you apply, if you’re accepted you’ll go through some physical exams including blood tests, genetic testing, and a vaginal ultrasound (they insert a long probe inside the vagina which gives the technician a view of your uterus and ovaries). The mental health professional will talk with you and make sure you’re comfortable with and able to take on the risks (emotional, physical, and legal).

Some egg donation banks can do frozen donation (where you can go through egg retrieval before being matched with a family), but many do wait until you’re matched with a family to start the retrieval process. When you get matched with a family, you’ll be provided an attorney who will help you through the legal process and contract with the family.

To prepare for the retrieval, you give yourself injections every day for 2 weeks. The “check-ins” you’re wondering about include blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds to see how the eggs are developing.

How does all of that sound to you? Do you have any initial questions or concerns?

[bluespreadsheet]

That mostly sounds fine, even the injections doesn’t bother me. The only problem to me is the vaginal ultrasound because as I said earlier I never put anything in there so I’m worried it’ll find it especially uncomfortable or upsetting. I don’t know if I should expect any pain from it or whatever >_<; I’m sure it won’t be that bad because medical professional knows what they’re doing and obviously doesn’t want to cause any damage but I just really don’t know what it’s meant to feel like or what to anticipate!

[Heather]

Hey there, bluespreadsheet. A million years ago, I looked into egg donation myself, too, but I was a heavy smoker at the time who wasn't able to quit, so I didn't follow through with it. I agree that it can be something that can really help a donor out financially, and also help people who want to conceive, so if it turns out to be right for you when all is said and done, it has the capacity to be something really good all around. The one thing I'd suggest you add to whatever the lost of questions is you have when you first see the provider is to ask them to tell you about the effects, long and short term, of the hormones you'll be using to increase the eggs you produce. Not knowing what the rest of your life is like, some of the effects of those can be pretty disruptive for some people, so you'll want to ask about that to be able to get the best sense of if this will be a good fit for you. Fertility clinics can sometimes be a little...predatory is maybe too strong a word, but aggressive, at least, so if at any point anyone isn't answering questions patiently or you feel pushed at all, I'd take it as a sign that that particular clinic is not one to work with. <3

When it comes to the transvaginal ultrasound, it shouldn't be painful. It's thin, for one, just about an inch and a half at most, and is only inserted a couple of inches. Like with a speculum exam, your provider will use lubricant and go slowly, and should tell you to let them know if you're having any pain or unmanageable discomfort so they can stop and give you a second.

As someone who hasn't ever had a speculum exam, used tampons, or otherwise had anything inside of your vagina, it mostly will probably just feel unfamiliar to you and a little uncomfortable, as a result. What you can do to make it as comfortable as it can be is to do your best to be as relaxed as you can -- if you're stressed or worried, the vagina tends to tense up, and that tends to be what causes pain with insertion of anything. You can sometimes ask a provider to prescribe you something for anxiety ahead of time if you feel like relaxing will be hard for you.

Just to you also don't worry about it, the vagina is meant to be able to handle a whole baby going through it, so so long as people aren't using anything sharp or rough, aren't being aggressive, or aren't ignoring the person that vagina is attached to, this isn't something where you have to worry about physical harm or damage.

[bluespreadsheet]

That makes sense to me. I’ve thought about doing Testosterone sometimes, but wanted to look into egg donation first because those also make you take hormones and I’d have to do messy stuff with going off T if I did it first then decided to do donations later… definitely worth researching.

Also having that explained makes it sound a lot less scary! Thanks for that. I mean sometimes I experiment with lube and my fingers so as long as it’s not much more uncomfortable than that and doesn’t go very far and is small that sounds perfectly manageable.

[Heather]

That sounds like a smart strategy to me!

You're welcome. It's probably going to feel a little different than that if for no other reason than that it's a clinical and non-sexual setting, so you probably won't be *as* relaxed as at home with your own hands no matter what you do, but yeah, it should be something that, at most, is uncomfortable, if that.