Best friend has jealousy/attachment issues, how can I help?

[dependantdragon]

Hi, I have a friend who despite knowing her for only a few years now we're very close; she's been there for me during a very difficult part of my life, and we have a very strong bond. She also has self-admitted attachment issues, and feels awful sometimes when I'm hanging out with other friends because she has a strong, irrational fear of being replaced. This is something she will admit; both that it bothers her and that she wishes it didn't. She also often feels guilty about it, like that she's a bad friend for feeling that way. I know a lot about various aspects of neurodivergence, psychology, and mental health despite never having formally studied it, but when it comes to this kind of thing, I don't have much knowledge at all. I've been as consistent as possible with affirming that I do love her (platonically), that I see her as irreplaceable and extremely worthy of my time, love, and effort, and that I prefer to hang out with her over other friends (which is true). I'm usually able to calm her down when she's spiralling, but it does take a while sometimes, and sometimes it's really hard to break her out of that mindset and it makes me feel kind of helpless. Even with the anxiety though, she's been, and continues to be, a very positive influence on me. I want her to be happy, to love herself, and to feel good about our relationship, but it's been a struggle to figure out how to do so in a more... how to say... long-term way.

I've suggested to her to seek therapy and/or medical help, but it doesn't seem like that's possible right now; she hasn't got a job yet, so she's still financially dependent on her... rather controlling family, who are also quite anti-medicine. Plus she does love them, and even when she can provide for herself it's likely she'll still feel compelled to live according to their values, or at least not feel comfortable openly contradicting them. I have to admit I know it's not. Ideal to be basically her only support, but I can't force her to find other methods of support, and I feel confident that she would do so if she felt capable of it. And I love her (platonically), so I'm not going to just abandon her.

I'd love to understand more of what goes on in the psychology of these kinds of issues and how they're effectively treated, and I feel like knowing that would help me a lot with helping her, and also potentially feeling... less helpless, to know whether I'm doing the right thing or not to help her. Of course, it would also be helpful to just have some advice on how to handle it. I haven't yet become overwhelmed with supporting her despite it being several months (closer to a year, really) since she opened up to me about these issues, but I do worry that I will eventually, and end up failing her. So it would really, really help to have some more confidence that what I'm doing is right and will help her in the long term, or to know what will help her in the long term.

I wanna stay friends with her forever if possible; I know life doesn't always work out that way, but I'd really love to be able to. She definitely feels like a lifelong friend. And it makes me sad and frustrated that I don't know if I'm helping her the way she needs.

Any advice or resources you could share would be a huge help! Thank you in advance.

[amber]

Hi dependantdragon !

I am sorry you've been struggling with this, it is a big burden to feel like someone else's stability is reliant on you. It is nice that you have been trying to suggest she seeks out mental health support as that is what she truly needs. I can't help you here with the 'psychology', as you mentioned, but we would be more than happy to talk with how this burden has been effecting you.

I see you have reached out here to talk about mental health support before. Are you still in therapy? How has your own mental health support been going?