I think I have control issues

[jokolenono]

It's just that it's really easy for me to make myself orgasm, in under a minute, but it takes forever for a partner to make me cum even if they're doing what I want them to do. And I find I'm almost nervous when I'm getting close but I don't know what I'm nervous about. I have a feeling I just want to be in control. I mean, I feel far more comfortable eating my partner out and whatever than them getting me off. Which I know I'm allowed to just be a top, but I do enjoy my own pleasure. But like, last time I was being eaten out I had to hold my partner's hands because I didn't want her hands going anywhere on their own, and all the while I still felt uncomfortable because I couldn't control her mouth, but when she was doing the same thing for a while I relaxed and enjoyed it. But she thought she wasn't good enough for being so slow at making me orgasm, but it's just because when I was getting close I just, I don't know, got scared again? And I'm happy for someone to witness me orgasm but it just feels scary for them to make me orgasm, even if I feel good afterwards. And funnily enough, I'm very much a sub, so I'm quite happy for them to have control in other kinky aspects, but not this very basic part of sex.

I guess for context, I've only had sex 4 times in my life, with two different people, and the first person I just gave up those 2 times we did it, and I got myself off, but this second person who is my current partner has actually made me orgasm herself. And for more context, I guess I'm a bit of a masturbation connoisseur, I've done it at least once a day for years now, I know how to pleasure myself very well. It also might be relevant that I'm autistic.

So... how do I relax and let my partner have control? It could be an issue that goes further than sex.. I've really no idea, I *think* I trust my partners otherwise.

[maille]

Hey, jokolenono!

After reading your post, I would not go as far as to say you have control issues. This does not sound unusual to me at all. Many people feel more comfortable giving pleasure than yielding to the pleasure that someone else is providing them.

What would it look like if you steered your mind away from the end goal of orgasm with a partner and focused more on that yielding? It is my hope that this will take some of the expectation and pressure off of both you and your partner, allowing you to yield and feel the pleasure your partner is providing. And if you end up trying this and still find yourself not relaxed or enjoying it, maybe this just isn't the sex act for you. Nothing wrong with that either!

How do you feel after reading this?

I also wonder if you could find some solace or comfort this post.