Terribly irritated with a friend for 0 reasons.

[AlloAroQueer]

So, i have a very close friend, they were my first friend at all and i care a lot about them. I want them to be okay and to be safe and to heal because they are still recovering from a lot.

I also do not feel the urge to search out to talk to them as much as i did before, often replying messages late but i think that is a normal thing that happens after you get out of the euphoria phase of meeting someone new. The thing is that they also annoy me sometimes. To the point of anger and wanting to suddenly delete all their messages and block them or to explode to them. I think they don't deserve this and i would regret it a lot if i actually did that. and i don't, know why the heck a simple thing like him simply speaking makes that happen.

And it is stuff like they complimenting ANYTHING i do, i want them to not say anything, i dislike tiny shows of empathy like "ow " when i complain in games about my screen sabotaging my playing, and my mind just want him to shut up and to not mention it. I felt irritated when he joined me without asking to a game, one time (and the irritation when away pretty fast) and. Maybe this is, just. Me wanting more space, but I worry that this will,, trigger anxiety on him. And i'm. not even sure is space and time will fix this? Because i have heard so many things about how space can works but other times the relationship never comes back together and like. I really still want to be friends with him, because i care about him.

We have plans to live together, and i still kinda like that idea, the intimacy of close friendship with him and cuddling is nice, and talking to him is nice sometimes but i really, really, don't get why sometimes it isn't. And don't know how. to deal with it.

He is super attached to me, he doesn't really gets close with a lot of people either so i think this could also be. weird for him. +, even if i want more space, it is hard to think how to exactly do that when it is online space. and when i get irritated at him even just, doing a silly little comment to posts in a group i know he can see. please help

[mikky]

Hey alloaroqueer,
It sounds to me like you’re adjusting to what might be a totally new experience of having a friend, and as you’ve recognized, moving out of the “new relationship” excitement stage. You might be getting a better idea now of what kind of boundaries and limits you have. You also might be feeling kind of overwhelmed by increases in social expectations, like messages to reply to. We all experience periods of increased irritability, especially when we are stressed, tired, hungry, etc. Sometimes, the people who we spend the most time with will get the brunt of that. It doesn’t sound like what they are doing is ill-intended, rather, they seem to be trying to connect through being complimentary and empathetic.

Blocking or blowing up at him likely won’t help, and will probably feel pretty crappy to you. Instead, I think some clear communication and boundaries might benefit you without sabotaging the friendship. This could look like asking:
“I’ve been enjoying talking to you, but I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. Can I have a few days to myself and check in with you on Friday if I am ready to socialize again?” or “Can you ask me before you join a game next time?”

Do you think you could try asking for some space, and see how that goes?