I am a straight cis boy who wants to be a lesbian

[showkindness]

Hello,

first of all for context I tend to have a hard time organizing my thoughts when writing so sorry if it looks messy or my thoughts seem all over the place.

For a while I have been thinking about my gender identity and I feel like I want to transition to be a girl and a lesbian. I have often daydreamed about being a lesbian and the daydreams sometimes have me having sex. I also only like to look at lesbian porn and get a feeling of arousal thinking about having a woman's genitals and i am scared that this is a fetish and I am transitioning to only have lesbian sex and not exist as my true self.

PS: I also wonder if I was unknowingly trained to see woman as sex objects by western society and that is why I get aroused when I see two woman having sex

[Anya]

Hey there showkindness,

So it seems like you're considering what it might mean to be a lesbian, to transition, and how you can know what feels true to you regardless of outside influences like porn and Western ideas about women and objectification. These are big topics so I'll try to get to all of them, but keep in mind this should ideally be a longer conversation and will not be able to be answered in just one response post.

First of all, let's do some talking about what it is about lesbianism or being with women/non-men as a woman/non-man that feels appealing to you. I know you reference lesbian sex as a big reason, but I want to push you to think about what feelings make that or other reasons worthwhile to you. Like, does it make you feel free, excited, nervous, aroused, or comfortable? And bonus points if you can pinpoint other aspects of your life (like self-expression, clothing, relationships, memories) where you have felt a similar feeling in the past. This can help us identify where these feelings are coming from, whether that be inside you, outside influence, or a blend (none of which are inherently bad). Too, can you tell me a bit more about how it feels to you to think about the idea of being a girl/lesbian excluding the sexual element? Sex sure is important sometimes, but most of the time there tends to be a lot of other stuff in the middle that we gotta navigate too.

Gender exists as usually a much bigger aspect of constant identity, in the way that we can't often escape identifying or being perceived as something in general. Sexuality is a part of us, and changes, transforms, seeps into other aspects of like (including gender for sure), but tends not to guide our gender expression in totality. So while it's normal to have your gender/sexuality collide in different ways and merge too, gender transitioning becomes more of a constant framework to view yourself through than sexual identity much of the time. I will say that to my knowledge, there is not really any demographic of people who gender transition in every aspect of their lives to fulfill a fantasy. So if you can imagine yourself comforted and validated by the idea of being a girl/lesbian every day, regardless of the sex you might have, we can definitely talk longer about what this might mean. If not, and if the idea of being a girl does pretty much feel confined to sex, this would then be a quite different thing. Does one of these possibilities feel more relatable to you?

I want to share a few resources with you and once you've given them a look let's talk more about this!

The Answers (for Now)
Trans Summer School: What's the Deal With Gender?
Trans Summer School: So I Think I Might Be Trans. Now What?