I have a crush on my cousin and need advice

[Aye bruv!]

so, my cousin has kissed me when I was exactly 6 years old, and she was 9, we're all grown up now, I'm 14, and she's 17... I don't think she had feelings for me because she was a kid, obviously, and, honestly, I really liked it... I thought it was a dream until yesterday, which is when I found out it was completely real. anyways, we hadn't spoke in a few years. she is my "second cousin" not my first, that means she isn't related to my parent's siblings. anyways, I am completely aware that it is illegal to date until I turn exactly 18 years old. but, the problem is, I really don't wanna wait, and I wish I could kiss her all the time. she's also really cute... what should I do?

[Heather]

Hi there, Aye bruv!, and welcome to the boards.

Generally, interfamilial sexual or romantic relationships aren't something we usually advise. It's not illegal for you two to date, though, and so the idea that it is illegal now and won't be when you're 18 isn't relevant here. But there are some interpersonal reasons it often just isn't a good idea.

Interfamilial dating often creates or enables some real boundary issues between the people dating and in the larger family. For instance, a cousin asking you to be in that kind of relationship can put the person being asked in a real bind: they may feel pressured and not know what to do because they may not have a choice about seeing you sometimes.

Even though, for those who eventually reproduce, genetic issues with offspring aren't really an issue, there is still a big taboo about dating or being sexual with people we're related to, so it can create a lot of conflict within families. It can also make things extra, extra complicated with a breakup, especially if you're in the kind of family where you spend a lot of time with people like second cousins.

I hear you saying you want to be with this cousin in this way. Is this also something they're interested in? If so, have you talked about this and all that can involve as people related to each other?

I'm also curious: have you yet kissed anyone else? I do want to suggest that one reason you may have enjoyed those kisses as children -- despite kisses as children generally being pretty different than kisses as an older teen or adult -- is because kisses, period, can be nice, as can affection. I ask because, especially if this is the only person you ever kissed, I also think it's possible you may just want to kiss more, rather than specifically kiss your cousin more, especially if you two haven't even really known each other or talked since you were kids.