im scared to talk to boys

[octaviathorn]

i have guy friends, so i’m obviously not scared to talk to boys. but im scared to talk to boys im attracted to and dont talk to. i am antisocial, so i never really talk to people outside my friends and family unless i need to. if i do, it’s rushed and brief. but all of my friends have had actual boyfriends and girlfriends except for me. i feel like im missing out on something. my best friend tells me that i just need to put myself out there, and i agree, but i dont know how. where would i start? i don’t like change, so how would i do that? i want to start talking to a boy i liked in middle school again. he’d in the grade below me, so we were friends in middle school, then when i went to high school, we stopped talking. when he got to high school, we talked a bit, but midway through the year he got a girlfriend, and it kind of hurt. at the end of the year, he seemed to have broken up with her. when he was with her, i pretended not to care and ignored him unless he interacted with me. after he broke up with her, he interacted with me and my best friend more. i really like him, but i don’t think he’d ever like me back. and i’m horrified of rejection because i’d see him in school. he kind of led me on though, so im also scared of that. i think he knew i liked him, and i was better at hiding it after he broke up with his girlfriend. i really like him, but i’ve been rejected by another boy before (i expected it though), so i’m scared. me and the previous boy talk occasionally because we’ll have a class together, but we’re just like acquaintances. the boy i like and i barely talk. idk what to think. i think about him a lot and i just really like him. he’s cute and funny and actually really nice when no one is watching. he really makes me laugh and that goes above all. i think i’m just destined to be alone forever. i can’t imagine anyone liking me.

[amber]

Hi octaviathorn!

I fear you about feeling alone because all of your friends are or have dated. I do want to say that, in a larger context, not having dated at 16 is so very common. You are certainly not alone.

Still, I hear you about your desire to try and connect with some of your crushes. I also see you called yourself "anti-social" but mentioned you have friends. Have you ever thought about leading with friendship with your crushes? Putting the pressure off of 'needing' to date and focusing on what you know, making friends, sounds like it could be helpful.

I do hear you about the fear of rejection. Unfortunately a big part of dating and putting yourself out there is rejection. You can only ever control the way you feel and act. It does not sound fun but there will be many more times, both inside and outside of dating, where you will experience rejection of some sort - and that is ok!