Excessive masturbation

[Tealscarf]

I think I'm addicted to masturbating. Sometimes I find myself touching myself without even realising it.
It's become almost like a reflex for me to slide my fingers inside whenever I go to take a bath, even if I'm not in the mood. And usually, I am always thinking about sex. How do I make it stop? How do I cut down on the masturbation? And why am I always thinking of it, even if sometimes I'm not in the mood for it? (I'm usually more in the mood)

And it's not like it's a new discovery I've made
I've been doing this since I was 12 or maybe even younger

[HannahP]

Hi there Tealscarf!

What you're describing doesn't sound worrisome to me. Here at Scarleteen, as is the c ase for most professionals who work in sexuality, we're very skeptical about the idea that people can get addicted to sex or masturbation, because that's not how addiction works or what "addiction" is meant to be used for as a framework. This article talks about that idea: Are we addicted to sex?

I say that because I don't want you thinking that you're struggling with a medical or psychological problem or doing any harm to yourself by masturbating frequently. But if it still feels uncomfortable to you to be masturbating, especially if you're not really in the mood and find yourself doing it anyway, we can talk about that!

To me, what you're describing sounds more like a habit than an addiction or compulsion. Masturbating can become a very easily ingrained habit because it feels good, it's really rewarding! And just like any other habit that feels good, it can be tricky to change without a solid plan. Usually when you're trying to change a habit, you can't just tell yourself that you're not going to do it as much, you have to set yourself up for success by replacing the habit with something else. So that might look like doing something else with your hands at the times when you usually find yourself absentmindedly masturbating (a little tricky in the bath, but maybe you could bring a book or some kind of little waterproof toy to fidget with?)

Another useful thing is to try to practice checking in with yourself in the moment. So say you're in the bath and you find yourself masturbating. You could pause and ask yourself "am I in the mood for this right now? Does this feel good?" If the answer's yes, go right ahead! But if the answer's no, you might find that saying that clearly to yourself ("this actually doesn't feel very good right now, I don't want to be doing this") might help you stop.

I'm going to leave you with a few articles we have about masturbation. The overall themes are that we believe that masturbation is normal, common, and healthy, but that it's important to do it in a way that feels good for you, both physically and emotionally. I hope this helps!
Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.)
Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation

[Tealscarf]

I've really tried talking to myself but I end up doing it anyways, however i haven't tried fidgeting with something in the bath, I guess that could help.

Addition, habit, or whatever it is, I feel its getting excessive. I'm always thinking horny stuff, it mostly makes me want to do something to myself.

That's my problem, i masturbate too much. It's becoming something like 5 times a week. It ruins the pleasure, it doesn't feel good when I'm constantly doing it. And i really don't know how to make it stop.

I spent time with myself in the afternoon for 2 hours just for me to get horny again right now. It's only evening and I'm horny again? It's not that strong but the compulsive touching and thoughts, it's really difficult for me to do stuff.

And if my hand goes anywhere near my inner thigh, it's like it's over for me. It drives in immediately like I've got no control...

I was in the school bathroom yesterday and i "accidentally" ended up masturbating there because I was checking for my period..??? (This only happened once but still)

I don't know what to feel about this

[KierC]

Hey tealscarf

I hear you that the amount you’re thinking about masturbating is bothersome and getting in the way of doing other stuff. I don’t want you to think that you shouldn’t be masturbating at all or that it’s a bad thing to do. Masturbating is healthy as Hannah said, even if you’re doing it frequently (even 5 times a week is perfectly healthy), it just becomes an issue to address when 1) it gets in the way of other activities and 2) it feels bothersome to you. It sounds like both of those things are happening for you, so we can certainly talk about what this means and ways you might be able to address this.

I think masturbation can become something we rely on when we need either stress relief, a release of tension, or when we need mental excitement/stimulation. Does that sound relevant to you? If so, it might be helpful to think of other things you do that aren’t sexual that relieve stress and tension, or at least provides some stimulation in your life. What sort of activities do you like to do when you aren’t feeling sexual desire?

[Tealscarf]

Well, i often feel lonely. I even fantasize a lot about someone kissing me, holding me, and i guess that's one of the factors of why I'm constantly touching myself. Maybe to feel a little bit of what I'm craving. I don't really have a partner, and i don't think I can get one (not currently interested in dating, actually)

I guess that's one frustration

The other is purely impulsive
If I'm too happy I do it
If I'm too sad I do it(the sad ones are kinda dangerous because I end up forcing my way in, it ends up hurting me instead and once I even broke down because of it)
If I'm stressed i definitely do it

But it's getting in the way of other stuff and i don't like that
I hate how constant it is, otherwise I have no issues with masturbating

I like to masturbating and I do with no shame
I just wish I had more control over it...

(Re submitting this due a vpn thing)

[Sofi]

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve hurt yourself in the process before, and I can tell this is extremely frustrating for you.

I think it’s not as much a lack of self control as it is a need for stimulation. In modern day society we are so used to constantly getting dopamine and stimulation from all sorts of different sources, it can be hard to resist getting it even when we’re just at home relaxing. It helps a lot to have some hobbies to take our mind off things we don’t want to be engaging in too much.

As we said, masturbating 5 times a week is not excessive at all, but I can tell you want to get a better hold on how often you do it. So, what if you try some engaging hobbies, especially any that involve physical activity? Any type of exercise like running, swimming, or even dancing; as well as sports or group activities. If movement is difficult for you for any reason, that’s okay, you could try something like drawing/painting, video games, reading, or crafting. These will fill that space where you might be understimulated mentally or physically and therefore default to something you know feels good (which, again, isn’t wrong or bad). And you might end up finding one or a few hobbies you really love! Is this something you’re up for trying?