Hi!
I'm single and haven't had sex yet, but there's a question that's been on my mind for a while. Is having sex without any form of protection okay under any circumstances? Like, if both people were getting std tests regularly and pregnancy wasn't an issue (for example , since i'm amab, If I had gotten a vasectomy), could I have vaginal sex "raw"? What about oral and anal?
Thanks,
Aspin
General Question
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Becky
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Re: General Question
Hey Aspin!
I'm hesitant to use the word "okay" here. "Is it okay to...?" makes me infer some kind of moral quandary. What's "okay" when it comes to sex is going to be different for everybody.
When we talk about "safer" sex, we are talking about behaviors and practices that reduce potential risks. Usually, STIs and unwanted pregnancy. So what this kind of conversation comes down to is what level of risk you are willing to accept.
Now, what you are describing in this hypothetical sounds very low risk for both unwanted pregnancy and STIs to me. If both partners were STI negative when they began having intercourse and then committed to exclusively only having sex with each other and are using some kind of birth control (a vasectomy counts). It's not uncommon for heterosexual couples who are monogamous and STI negative to use other forms of birth control so that they feel comfortable having PIV sex without a condom.
Now, if you and this person were also having sex with other people then it would be really important to have regular STI testing and your level of risk for STIs would go up. In that scenario I would definitely recommend using barrier methods during sex to keep the risk of STIs low.
Again, everyone's level of risk tolerance is different. If the very low risk of pregnancy and STIs sounds acceptable to you and you have a partner that feels the same way, then you could definitely have sex without a barrier. But some people have more anxiety about potentially becoming pregnant or contracting an infection and may still choose to use extra protection. Neither is right or wrong or okay or not okay. As long as all parties involved understand their level of risk and consent to the type of sex they are having.
Here's some extra reading about safer sex so that you can make educated decisions about your sex life and risk tolerance:
What Safer Sex Isn't
Safe, Sound, & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-to
Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass on an STI From That?
Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
I'm hesitant to use the word "okay" here. "Is it okay to...?" makes me infer some kind of moral quandary. What's "okay" when it comes to sex is going to be different for everybody.
When we talk about "safer" sex, we are talking about behaviors and practices that reduce potential risks. Usually, STIs and unwanted pregnancy. So what this kind of conversation comes down to is what level of risk you are willing to accept.
Now, what you are describing in this hypothetical sounds very low risk for both unwanted pregnancy and STIs to me. If both partners were STI negative when they began having intercourse and then committed to exclusively only having sex with each other and are using some kind of birth control (a vasectomy counts). It's not uncommon for heterosexual couples who are monogamous and STI negative to use other forms of birth control so that they feel comfortable having PIV sex without a condom.
Now, if you and this person were also having sex with other people then it would be really important to have regular STI testing and your level of risk for STIs would go up. In that scenario I would definitely recommend using barrier methods during sex to keep the risk of STIs low.
Again, everyone's level of risk tolerance is different. If the very low risk of pregnancy and STIs sounds acceptable to you and you have a partner that feels the same way, then you could definitely have sex without a barrier. But some people have more anxiety about potentially becoming pregnant or contracting an infection and may still choose to use extra protection. Neither is right or wrong or okay or not okay. As long as all parties involved understand their level of risk and consent to the type of sex they are having.
Here's some extra reading about safer sex so that you can make educated decisions about your sex life and risk tolerance:
What Safer Sex Isn't
Safe, Sound, & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-to
Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass on an STI From That?
Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
“All of us have to learn how to invent our lives, make them up, imagine them. We need to be taught these skills; we need guides to show us how. If we don't, our lives get made up for us by other people.” -- Ursula K. Le Guin
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