am i pregnant or is it anxiety?

[mimioa]

ok so my boyfriend and i had sex on a monday
it is currently the friday 3 weeks after we did it. i have really bad anxiety so im scared im pregnant because my period is three days late. we used protection and he didnt even do anything inside of me. he actually didnt do anything at all just so we are extra careful. i dont know why im still stressing about this when there was nothing there for me to be pregnant but i just need constant reassurance. also i cant get a pregnancy test because my parents are pretty strict!! help please!

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Mimioa

You are correct about the fact that there is no risk of pregnancy in the situation you described. For pregnancy to occur, there does have to be direct contact between semen and the vulva/vagina--if that did not happen, you can't be pregnant. I'm sorry to hear that you still feel so afraid despite knowing that.

We can't continue to reassure you because you do have all the information you need, but it sounds like the reassurance you have received so far hasn't actually made the anxiety go away. So, I'd like to try something different, and guess at why you might be feeling so worried. I'm hoping talking about other potential causes will help you find something you can address to feel better.

Here is one idea: you've mentioned that you would have a hard time getting a pregnancy test because your parents would not approve--given that, I imagine you would really want to avoid becoming pregnant, because it would be difficult to access healthcare like an abortion if you needed it. Is that right?

If it is, your fears might not be based in the actual risk of your situation, but in your need to avoid all risk because being pregnant would be unmanageable/cause serious problems for you. Do you think it would help your anxiety to have a safe plan for how you would access things like pregnancy tests/plan B/an abortion, and go over your method of birth control to make sure you have the least risk possible?

[mimioa]

I do think my fear and anxiety is because of what I CAN'T do if this does happen. That's why we don't do it often so that I'm not super anxious. I would just like for my period to come but I can't control my anxiety at ALL. I'm thinking about talking to a therapist about it. I do know I'm not pregnant I just don't know what to do ughhh

[char]

Hey mimioa. I believe talking to a therapist about this is the right way to go. In the meantime, what are things you usually do to make yourself more relaxed?

[mimioa]

I don’t even know. I’ve been trying to find something that makes me relax, but I literally get anxious with EVERYTHING!

[Anya]

Hey mimioa,

That's totally understandable. Given that you know, and we confidently believe, that you are not pregnant, I think it's a good idea to try some coping mechanisms to help you believe what you already know to be true. Now, finding a therapist is definitely your best bet for in-depth support for this as that is not a service we offer, but like Char prompted you, can we think of some things that might help you right now?

Are there friends who you have talked to about this anxiety before? Or hobbies you could engage in to distract yourself until you get your period? Too, if you are in school, this is something you might consider talking to a counselor for if you can't find a therapist yet. (Counselors are also super good at helping people find external therapy as well).