Do i just not know what im doing??

[ribbon.n7]

Hi i’m liv, im 18, i’m lesbian and im asexual. For the past couple years ive been telling myself im asexual because the thought of having sex with another person freaks me out. I’ve tried to masturbate with my fingers and with certain objects like my hairbrush handle but i literally can’t feel anything. It feels sort of numb in a way like i don’t feel pleasure at all. I’ve tried to play with myself without putting anything inside my body and that works very well. I don’t know if i’m doing anything wrong. I have a girlfriend who is very okay with the fact that i’m asexual and has always told me that she won’t try to beg for me to do anything with her, but in a way, since i know she’s more experienced than me and has told me about sexual stuff from her past relationships i feel embarrassed that i don’t feel anything. Like what if one day i decide im ready to try things with her and i cant feel her doing anything to me. I really want to experience pleasure from putting things inside of me before i try things with other people. I need to know that i’m not broken. Any help?

[mikky]

Hi liv,
I want to start by saying you are NOT broken.
I am very curious as to why having something inside of you (and having that be pleasurable) feels important to you. It sounds to me like it’s because you have an idea that your girlfriend would want to do something specific with you that involves internal stimulation?
I’m making an assumption that you are talking about having things inside your vagina, and not anally or orally. If I am wrong, please let me know.
From what you’ve shared, masturbation with external stimulation has felt better, even potentially pleasurable!
A few myth-busts for internal stimulation, that I feel like come up a lot with users here:
1. A lot of people don’t actually find it particularly pleasurable, especially with their own fingers or objects that aren’t designed for masturbation (sidenote, if you are using an object like a hairbrush handle internally, please cover it with a condom). There aren’t a lot of nerve endings in the vagina, especially the back ⅔.
2. There is nothing more mature, important, or adventurous to internal stimulation than external. In more specific words, intercourse is NOT innately better than clitoral stimulation, especially if it is not appealing or pleasurable for you.
3. Masturbating a specific way because we feel like we SHOULD enjoy it, rather than approaching our bodies from a curiosity and pleasure based perspective, doesn’t tend to feel particularly nice. Our pelvic floor muscles tense up when we’re anxious or uncomfortable or stressed, and relax when we are aroused and comfortable. Masturbation is not just a testing ground to “get used to” something we might want to try with another person.

Does this all make sense? Can you tell us some more about why this feels important?