Unsatisfying Orgasims and Masturbation

[Ava.jpeg]

hello!
A few months ago I (20f) bought a clitoral vibrator because I couldn’t figure out how to masturbate with my fingers. Every time I would try finger myself (internally or on my clit) it would feel like nothing. I’ve tried many different techniques but nothing would work. I think I’ve been able to experience orgasms with the vibrator but I’m not sure. It will feel really good for a minute or two but I don’t feel satisfied afterwards. I can’t tell if it just gets too overstimulating and I’m stopping at the wrong time or if I just can’t experience orgasms because of my mental state. I have severe depression, anxiety, OCD/ADHD so I’ve been using masturbation as a distraction. I’ll use the vibrator like three times a day and it will be all I’m thinking about. It’s gotten to the point where sometime I’ll bleed near my clit because of overuse. I know everyone is different and experience everything differently but I’d really like to be able to get a proper orgasm with my fingers.

[char]

Hi Ava.jpeg, welcome to the boards. Happy to have you here.

Before getting into your questions, can I ask if you are currently on any medication for your mental health conditions? I'd also like to know how your living situation looks like. The use of certain psychiatric meds, as well as whether you live in an unsafe environment, can affect your experience of joy and pleasure. From there, we can work on how you can add more enjoyment into your life, not just sexually but also non-sexually. How does that sound?

[Ava.jpeg]

Hi! I’m currently on a low dose of Adderall for ADHD, and Fluvoxamine for OCD. My living situation is good and safe. I can definitely have time alone if I need it.

[mikky]

Hey ava.jpeg,

As you’re probably aware, fluvoxamine can have some side effects that impact libido and orgasm. Being in a state of high anxiety, being very depressed, and dealing with intrusive or looping thoughts also can absolutely impact how we feel in our bodies and our ability to connect with pleasure or a sense of satisfaction. That doesn’t mean orgasm, and more importantly, pleasure (not the same thing) aren’t achievable for those of us with mental health struggles.

You said you’re using masturbation as a distraction- especially when you’re experiencing some specifically adverse effects of that, like bleeding, this is something to check in about. Like any other behavior that you might do compulsively or in a way that doesn’t end up feeling good, like scrolling on social media for a long time, I think it’s important to think about what feelings or needs you might be avoiding. Maybe there are other activities that can fill some of the need for pleasure, sensory stimulation, bodily connection, etc. I can relate as someone with intense depression and OCD- it can be hard to understand when arousal is actually present, and when I am just feeling shitty and want to feel something else. But being able to identify this difference is, in my opinion, going to be helpful to you to get to a place where masturbation is feeling genuinely pleasurable rather than just a thing you do.

How common is this bleeding for you? Are you using lube when you use a vibrator and/or fingers?

[Ava.jpeg]

Thank you so much for the advice. I’m not in school not do I have a job (bc of my mental health) so it can be hard for me to find a way to fill the time. You’re right that I’m using masturbation as a coping mechanism because it brings temporary dopamine. I really don’t want to become addicted to it. I’m considering throwing my vibrator out, but it’s gonna be hard for me to do. Also to answer your question, I’m not using lube. Should I invest in some? Or use water or something? My vibrator is waterproof but I find myself unable to orgasm in the shower idk why. Maybe I should try again.

[Heather]

Morning, Ava. Because something creates dopamine doesn't mean it can be addictive. Addiction is a specific framework, and masturbation isn't something that can fall under it, and neither is anything elsewhere dopamine is in play, which is a lot of life. This isn't something you need to be concerned about. (For more, check out: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... -addiction)

For anything with insertion, or with a lot of friction, yes, you will always want to be using lube. Water isn't slippery in the way lube is, so it can't substitute for lube.