unsure

[oogabooga27]

hi anyone at scarleteen,

i’ve been feeling quite worried recently. my situation is likely benign and since the scare i’ve discussed with my partner that we’ll refrain from doing anything sexual. nonetheless is the situation is still worrying me. i need some clarity on something. 2 layers of underwear fabric should be capable of preventing pregnancy, right? the outside and inside layer of mine felt a bit wet from his ejaculate soaking into mine from his, not like drenched, while we were doing underwear humping (and mine was standard albeit cheaper underwear that was slightly thin and had little eyelets) and his was solid normal men’s underwear, but kinda thin looking. i believe it was most likely my own arousal etc that made the inside of my underwear wet but the outside felt significantly damp and i’m unsure. i’m not sure if i moved out of the way in time from him ejaculating, so i’d assume it was full blown ejaculation that soaked through, if not surely his precum from our rubbing. neither of these layers came off or were moved to
the side, no PIV or bare ejaculation on my body occurred, no fingering with any precum or semen on hands, he came in his underwear then soaked into mine. should i be worried? i got a period 2 weeks after this with clots and stuff but im still worried. now i have like weird pin sized spotting with old blood, like one or 2 little dots when im too active or randomly every couple of days. maybe it’s leftovers from my period? that ended a week and a half or 2 ago. anyways i’m quite worried. do i need to buy pregnancy tests? i have like soreness in my uterus or like a crampy ache but i’m not sure. pls lmk.

[Heather]

Hi again, oogabooga.

As with a pervious question like this from you, the answer here is the same: people can't become pregnant from sexual activities where there was not direct genital contact (unless you're doing IVF in a medical office). Pregnant people also don't continue to have periods. I can't speak for sure to what the spotting is you're experiencing, nor the cramps, though -- though some people do have spotting and cramping with ovulation sometimes, and the timing is such that that's certainly a possibility -- so if those continue without explanation, I suggest you see a healthcare provider just to make sure nothing like an infection is afoot.

For more on what does and doesn't present a pregnancy risk:
• Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?
• Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

[oogabooga27]

thanks heather, this is the last time i’ll be asking about this, i was just uncertain. the spotting has only happened twice and it’s literally pin sized old blood, like so odd. but also came about during my ovulation or fertile period as i can infer from my discharge. the cramps and soreness can be attributed to that too since my period is due in like, 2 weeks. my period required maxi pads and pads and all of that but it was a tad bit short, but i think it’s fine. but ultimately, no matter how soaked said 2 layers get, pregnancy cannot occur, right? neither of them shifted and our genitals didn’t touch but thinking about the wetness through both fabrics and inside of mine is driving me nuts (actual ejaculate, not precum) thanks for clearing this up for me.

[Heather]

Something we know about when people are in a pregnancy anxiety spiral and asking the same question again and again after we've answered is that no amount of factual answers are likely to solve this. If information solved for it, then the first time we gave you accurate information about how this isn't a way pregnancy can happen, you would have gotten that in your head and not worried like this afterwards. If you think information might help, then by all means, try reading those links I gave you above and you can get that information that makes clear that this is not how pregnancy happens, period.

Instead, what usually works a lot better is for you to do what you can to stop focusing on this and care for yourself when it comes to this worry and anxiety. What do you do for yourself when you are stressed and worried that helps you calm down, feel more grounded, and move on? Whatever that is, can you do that or some of that for yourself now? <3

(It does sound like you might simply be someone who cramps and spots with ovulation sometimes, btw. That can be totally normal, but again, if it keeps up, I'd ask about it the next time you have a reproductive/sexual healthcare appointment just to be sure it is okay and there isn't something going on like an infection or something like endometriosis.)

[oogabooga27]

that’s actually great that you told me that. endo runs in my family so i’ll likely bring this up to my doctor if this becomes a new, persistent thing. i don’t know how i could’ve irritated anything up there, so it must be something up that i haven’t caused of course. or just ovulation spotting. thanks heather i’ll try to relax. my biggest issue is endlessly googling my situation as i have here (and then being met with half baked info and legal disclaimers like, “EXTREMELY low chance” when they’re talking about something else entirely i guess, and seeking constant reassurance, i’m gonna try to relax and focus. this is a great platform and i’ll just keep what you’ve told me in mind, thankfully my partner is very patient and understanding as well and we won’t be engaging in anything further until i’m really able to accept REAL risks. thanks!!

[Heather]

Yeah, for sure, that Googling -- especially now that Google is mostly AI that's been taken and scrambled from other places -- is not going to help you out. We've given you accurate information about this here, which you'll also find in articles here. That isn't a place you'll find accurate info directly AND continuing to soak in this will just drive you mad.

You may not have irritated your body at all, it could just be ovulation spotting or cramping, like I said, which is normal. But for sure, if endo runs in your family, I think it would be wise to have a health visit about it just in case. <3

Can you keep yourself offline, or at least, away from Google, for a few days?

[oogabooga27]

i think i can keep myself from googling. i want to stop worrying so i don’t delay my next period after this. so i can safely assuming the dryhumping chart that’s available here on scarleteen also means that any form of clothed humping is safe/0 risk, regardless of how soaked both layers become, as long as someone is wearing something that covers their genitals. i just kept googling about if fluid contact like that is as risky as direct contact and the wonky answers have been driving me mad indeed. i’m just going to keep from googling and hopefully these weird symptoms i’m feeling are just from my anxiety or some benign health issue as it always has been when i’ve had some dumb scare like this before. i trust your site and i hope my understanding is correct? thank you for the help

[Heather]

We would never post information here that we are not sure is accurate. I promise. We've been at this for almost 30 years now, and -- especially as someone who was an "accident" in a time when abortion access wasn't available -- I am deeply committed to making sure that we are doing everything in our power to help people avoid unwanted pregnancies. I care a lot about all of our info being accurate, but I am particularly concerned about this kind of information. I'd never have us publish anything that would influence people to take pregnancy risks they don't want to.

Again, Google is not a reliable place to get information, all the more now that it's all AI-based. Do yourself a favor and step away from it and try and break your habit of using it that way.

[oogabooga27]

hey heather,

thanks so much, that means a great deal to me. as someone who has to see definitive proof over and over like a maniac, i took a first response test and it came back negative. since its 33 days out, i held my pee for an hour or a little under, but is that fine since it’s 21+ days past the event i described? i drank a whole smoothie earlier and sips of water like an hour or 2 before taking this test and i made sure to pee a couple times after drink those before my short hold.