dysphoria around masturbating, please advise

[nevermore-guy]

first time using these boards but i think this is my best option for this sort of question.

i (pre-anything perisex trans man) have been masturbating for a few years now. i have also, unrelatedly, been doing a lot of introspection and working towards understanding my own feelings better, which has been going great.

one of the things i've been understanding better is my own gender and how i experience dysphoria, and i've semi-recently figured out that i experience dysphoria around my genitals. while masturbating feels good physically, it doesn't feel good psychologically.

is there anything to be done about this? i don't know if there is (i am interested in pursuing medical transition but i'll only be able to start doing so next year). i know that if i just stopped masturbating i'd stop experiencing as much dysphoria but i would also stop having that as an outlet and i don't think it'd make me feel that much better.

[KierC]

Hey nevermore-guy, and welcome to the boards! This is a perfectly good place to post this question

I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing dysphoria around your genitals, and that it’s making masturbation feel bad psychologically. It can be really tough when you’re doing something that’s supposed to make you feel good, and it’s not feeling that way. You’re certainly not alone (from a search on our boards you can see we’ve talked with many other users about this, and we’re happy to talk about this with you as well), and there are definitely things you can do to try to help manage the dysphoria you experience around your genitals.

You’re right that simply stopping masturbation probably won’t solve these feelings, because that would be ignoring the feelings, not stopping them. Know what I mean? But yes, there are definitely things you can try! If you’d like I can help brainstorm some ideas and we can also talk about some of these feelings too.

If that sounds good, I think it’ll be helpful to start with how you’re experiencing dysphoria. Do you find these feelings come up or are exacerbated by touching or seeing your genitals?

I also want to ask (and then I’ll pause for now), are there any things you do in your life outside of sex and masturbation to manage dysphoria that you might be able to translate here?

[nevermore-guy]

thanks for responding

Do you find these feelings come up or are exacerbated by touching or seeing your genitals?

yes, very much so. i know that masturbating doesn't have to involve touching one's genitals but i tend to find that doesn't provide the same sort of satisfaction

I also want to ask (and then I’ll pause for now), are there any things you do in your life outside of sex and masturbation to manage dysphoria that you might be able to translate here?

almost entirely it's in the clothes i wear. i find that it's mostly not a problem if i can't actually see my body- problem is, those do get in the way lol

[Latha]

Hi there, Nevermore-guy

Thanks for answering Kier's questions <3. I do see how it puts you in a bit of a bind if your main strategy for mitigating dysphoria doesn't work with sex.

It sounds like there is something about the way you masturbate right now that feels incongruent with your gender. Can you think of any sexual activities or fantasies that do feel arousing and affirming? I wonder if that could be a starting point for finding a kind of stimulation that leaves you feeling better, psychologically.