For the longest time I thought I was just another victim of being groomed by an adult. I was okay with knowing this and for the most part was unaffected by the situation because I've experienced much more traumatic things that have nothing to do with sexual abuse.
But maybe like a year or two ago I realized it was COCSA. He was either 16 or 17 and I was either 10 or 11. maybeee 12 but I doubt it. When I was younger I essentially viewed those 16+ as adults. Or at the very least, very mature people. So that's why it never occurred to me that it was COCSA. And also because for a long time I didn't even know COCSA was even a thing.
I also recall him telling me that he was in a relationship with a woman in her 20's while he was still 17. Even at the time I thought that wasn't okay. It's unsettling to think about the fact that my groomer was also being groomed by someone else.
If there's anyone wondering, no I don't forgive him. For a while my answer was maybe. If I were to meet him again and he truly *honestly* regrets what he did and has put in the effort to remedy it then I would forgive him. But I completely forgot he also groomed my friends. That's not forgivable. That wasn't a one time oopsie. That was a repeated offense. He also sexualized minor characters a lot too. If it was that alone you could argue maybe he didn't know they were minors, or thought it was okay because he was a minor too. But it's not just that. He's hurt real children. I feel like the only POSSIBLE way I could forgive him now is if he somehow makes up for all the trauma my friends endured and they decided to forgive him. Though I highly doubt that will ever be possible. So no, I don't forgive him. All I hope is that he regrets what he did and he's not hurting anymore children.
It was COCSA.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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blackberrybuds
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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- Location: Chicago
Re: It was COCSA.
Hey there, blackberrybuds. From one survivor to another, I'm so sorry that you experienced sexual abuse as a child, and that the person who harmed you also harmed your friends.
Like Straif asked on one of your other posts, can you fill me in on what you're looking for from us with this post? I don't see a question in it, so I'm having a hard time figuring out what kind of help you'd like here with this. <3
Like Straif asked on one of your other posts, can you fill me in on what you're looking for from us with this post? I don't see a question in it, so I'm having a hard time figuring out what kind of help you'd like here with this. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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