How can I buy a sex toy w/ strict parents?

[Jay772092]

Hi, I'm Jay, 14 born male, but I've been having a major issue with sexual thoughts, especially self pleasure. One major issue I have is my parents, even though I'm 14, they are still super strict! It's hard to pleasure myself without being caught or disrupted by chores, but if I asked, they'd be pretty pissed. Secondly, I've heard that using or experiencing the feeling of a toy can help you experience your sexual life way before, which would really help me determine if I'm really Bisexual or if it's something else. Lastly, if there is a way to get one without my parents finding out, what is it, and what's the most effective way? Thank you for your time!

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Jay! I see you've asked about privacy for masturbation and about toys--we can talk about both of your questions. I'll start with the latter, and then we can go back to the former.

Will using a toy help you figure out your sexuality? Possibly, but it is a little complicated.

Toys can be great, but they are not magic. To get very specific, I think experiencing the feeling of a toy will mainly tell you how you feel about the toy itself in the way you are using it--it can't be an exact substitute for having sex with another person. However, the additional context your mind lays onto that experience (like fantasies about a partner of a certain gender or with certain body parts) may give you helpful information about your sexuality. We can help you think about how you might access a toy, but one thing to remember is that while a toy can help make fantasies feel more tangible and realistic, the fantasy is the most important part of this equation, not the toy.

Too, I think it helps to be nuanced in the way we understand the connections between certain kinds of sex and sexuality. Certainly, having strong feelings of pleasure with a specific fantasy or activity can tell you a lot about what you might want in a partner, but being attracted to men does not mean you have to be interested in anal sex or will enjoy anal insertion with a toy, just as being attracted to women doesn't mean you have to want vaginal sex.

Does that make sense so far? You have time to understand your sexuality, and these questions about it are often easier to answer with experience. Do you feel any pressure to have your orientation figured out right now?

If you are looking to get a toy on your own, the most accessible way would probably be to DIY one. We have an article on the subject--would you look over it and tell us if any of the ideas seem like they would work for you? D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

[Jay772092]

I read the article and I wanted to say that it might be able to help, and knowing that masturbating is a normal thing to do, I actually feel a bit better. Just on my own time.. Again, thank you!

[Latha]

I'm glad the ideas in the article seem like they could help, and that you are feeling a bit better about masturbation generally!

To get back to your concerns about privacy at home with masturbation--we can help you figure out how you might find time where you won't be interrupted. I guess I have a few questions, going off what you shared earlier:

• Is there a time of day where you are less likely to be interrupted with chores and people checking in on you (like later at night and early in the morning)? Would those hours work for you?

• Can you expect your family to knock on your door/give you time to respond when it is closed, or do you have to respond immediately? If you would like more time than you are usually given, it might help to explicitly make that request to your parents. Does that seem like something that could work?

• You've mentioned that your parents are strict--could you share a little more about what leads you to say that, and why you are concerned that they would be angry with you?