Hi
I have a little sense for intimacy. The most thing that is important for me in a relationship is sex. I can't be romantic at all.
How can I know if it's because porn has affected my sexuality or I'm just aromantic?
Am i aromantic?
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Diamond.msk
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Heather
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Re: Am i aromantic?
Hi there, Diamond.
Usually, our sense of these things is about a lot more than sexual media and also started forming long before anyone was usually even exposed to sexual media.
"Romantic" is something a lot of people define in a lot of different ways, as is also the case for the word "intimacy." Sex, for example, is a kind of intimacy, so it sounds like your idea of what that word means may be unique. Can you say more about what you mean by intimacy?
Ultimately, how we find out about our identities -- like our sexual identity, or our other relational identities -- is just by living our lives over time and paying attention to our feelings, our social interactions and relationships, and then making our own sense of them. Often we won't have a truly firm sense of something like this until and unless we've had lived experience when it comes to these things, like, for instance, interpersonal relationships or interactions that have been sexual and/or romantic.
It sounds to me, though, like you're pretty clear you don't want to seek out any romantic relationships, and with something like this, often the absence of experiences can also say a lot. If you don't feel like you're missing anything by not being in romantic relationships or interactions, and you stay feeling that way, then that is generally how aromantic people will tend to feel: perfectly happy and satisfied without romance.
The good news is no one needs to be in any kind of rush to describe themselves clearly in words with things like this before you feel clear enough to do so. You know enough to know what you might need to tell others -- like anyone who wants to be part of a romance with you, you know enough to tell them you're not interested in that -- with or without a shorthand phrase to sum up that part of your identity if you don't feel like that feels right yet to you.
Usually, our sense of these things is about a lot more than sexual media and also started forming long before anyone was usually even exposed to sexual media.
"Romantic" is something a lot of people define in a lot of different ways, as is also the case for the word "intimacy." Sex, for example, is a kind of intimacy, so it sounds like your idea of what that word means may be unique. Can you say more about what you mean by intimacy?
Ultimately, how we find out about our identities -- like our sexual identity, or our other relational identities -- is just by living our lives over time and paying attention to our feelings, our social interactions and relationships, and then making our own sense of them. Often we won't have a truly firm sense of something like this until and unless we've had lived experience when it comes to these things, like, for instance, interpersonal relationships or interactions that have been sexual and/or romantic.
It sounds to me, though, like you're pretty clear you don't want to seek out any romantic relationships, and with something like this, often the absence of experiences can also say a lot. If you don't feel like you're missing anything by not being in romantic relationships or interactions, and you stay feeling that way, then that is generally how aromantic people will tend to feel: perfectly happy and satisfied without romance.
The good news is no one needs to be in any kind of rush to describe themselves clearly in words with things like this before you feel clear enough to do so. You know enough to know what you might need to tell others -- like anyone who wants to be part of a romance with you, you know enough to tell them you're not interested in that -- with or without a shorthand phrase to sum up that part of your identity if you don't feel like that feels right yet to you.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Diamond.msk
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Re: Am i aromantic?
Actually I've tried to have a romantic relationship but I'm really bad at it and then we decided to back to be normal friendship. It's like I can't understand why people like even when I try that. It's like the most important pleasure in a relationship is sex for me. I should mention to a quote from one of my partners: You're the worst lover but the best fucker.
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Sofi
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Re: Am i aromantic?
I hear you. I still think it would be good for us to discuss what ‘intimacy’ means for you when you say you have little sense for it. Considering a lot of people include sex (all types of sex and sexual activities) when discussing “intimacy”, I wonder if the definition you’re working with is adding pressure to this whole romance thing.
I’m also curious why you feel like you have to define this with specific words. Do you feel pressure from yourself, your friends, society or anything/anyone else to have a specific term that you identify with?
I’m also curious why you feel like you have to define this with specific words. Do you feel pressure from yourself, your friends, society or anything/anyone else to have a specific term that you identify with?
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