the first thing i can remember that made me feel uncomfortable was when she started to make sexual jokes (not always about me) and speak sexually towards me. she would joke around about a celebrity or a character from a show and say stuff like “oh shes hot” all the way to “she could eat me out”. that just made me really uncomfortable to hear. then she started to compliment me in weird ways. she had a thing for my ass i guess.
she would constantly point it out and even in the notes she wrote me my ass and my thighs were oddly big topics. she was a weirdly sexual speaking person for a 13 year old. she apparently had a dildo at her sisters house and liked to joke about that. she would often smack her friends asses or make explicit remarks towards them during school in the hallways. sometimes even walking with my hand in hers while she did this. i remember one time i was at a band concert and she told me “im going to molest your baritone” (my instrument) then i think i sent a picture of my dog and she said “im going to molest your dog”, when following this sequence she said she is going to molest me. it may have been a joke, but it didnt feel like one. i was scared. i was 13, and intimacy repulsed me. even kissing i didnt want a part of it.
when we were dating for a few months she started to try to get me to kiss her. one time she tried to kiss me without my consent on the bus. i told her i wasnt ready. for the next weeks she wouldnt let it go, it was almost daily that she asked me to kiss her. she said her friends that were in relationships were kissing, she thought why couldnt we. but i was not ready. eventually she had made me feel so guilty and as if i wasnt giving her enough, i kissed her. and it went downhill from here. i started hanging out at her house and she apparently wanted to cuddle, so she told me to lay down, and she laid on top of me. she didnt touch me innapropriately but she put her head right on my breasts and would occasionally slip her hands on accident i assume and she touched me either on my chest or stomach. this contined for months. i felt horrible i hated every second of being with her. i felt so guilty for not wanting it i felt like i wasnt enough for her if i didnt do it for her. one time we were texting and somehow we got to how she touches her friends, she said “i touch my friends boobs alot, dont be suprised if i just-“ then she grabbed her own boobs. i felt a little shocked that she would even speak to me like that. like she had a right to do that to me, as if she didnt even have to ask. she didnt do it, i broke up with her because i was so horrified of her actually doing something further to me.
i dont know if this was sa. we are just kids. maybe she didnt know what she was doing. thanks for reading this if you took the time to. i appreciate you.
i don’t know if it was sa or not.
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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sophieanne11
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- Age: 15
- My pronouns: she/they
- My sexual identity and orientation: queer
- Location: OH
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char
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: i don’t know if it was sa or not.
Hey sophieanne11, welcome to the boards, but I'm also sorry that this is what brought you here. 
Whether or not you want to call what happened to you sexual assault is ultimately up to you, but it's clear that this person (which I assume is your ex-girlfriend, considering you mentioned breaking up with her) did not understand what consent is and did not respect your boundaries. From the sexual jokes she made around you despite your discomfort to the inappropriate touching, she definitely harmed your wellbeing. You also mentioned her making you feel guilty for not wanting to be kissed; that's not how anyone should be dealing with rejection. I'm relieved to hear that you've broken up with her, but I would like to ask how you are doing right now. Is she still in your life? What would it mean to you if you consider this sexual assault? I'm also wondering if there's a trusted adult in your life that's aware of this, because intentional or not, what your ex-girlfriend did was not okay.
Whether or not you want to call what happened to you sexual assault is ultimately up to you, but it's clear that this person (which I assume is your ex-girlfriend, considering you mentioned breaking up with her) did not understand what consent is and did not respect your boundaries. From the sexual jokes she made around you despite your discomfort to the inappropriate touching, she definitely harmed your wellbeing. You also mentioned her making you feel guilty for not wanting to be kissed; that's not how anyone should be dealing with rejection. I'm relieved to hear that you've broken up with her, but I would like to ask how you are doing right now. Is she still in your life? What would it mean to you if you consider this sexual assault? I'm also wondering if there's a trusted adult in your life that's aware of this, because intentional or not, what your ex-girlfriend did was not okay.
Never be scared of trying to reach once more the dreams you'd briefly forgotten. / Listen to the voice of your heart.