orgasms

[icecreamqueen3]

I saw this site that said if u cant orgasm with clit stimulation theres something wrong and u have to go to the doctor i even have a vibrator and it wont happen I can feel something for a few seconds but thats it and then I become turned off so i stop and dont feel like doing it anymore cause its too sensitive usually when I feel something i tense up as it continues and forget to exhale I also dont have anxiety whenever i wanna do it or take any medications so I dont know whats wrong with my technique

Also I barely was able to get a cheap vibrator so I dont have lube

[bluespreadsheet]

Two of my friends can't and it's not weird :V Basically from what I know people's egogenous zones are different from each other, and some people just don't have sensitive nerves around their clit and some people are just less sensitive in general or can't orgasm as easily. I think it's weird someone would say that you have to go to a doctor over it. People just underestimate how different peoples bodies can be, I suppose

[bluespreadsheet]

also: can you orgasm any other way? Because it usually takes people time to be able to and a tonnnnnnn of teenagers have a lot of frustrating masturbation attempts before successfully being able to orgasm. case in point: me. but also you can look it up and likely find even more info on the website

[icecreamqueen3]

Hello and no I cannot, my clit is the only way im able to feel anything at all and I still couldn't without a vibrator i guess its gonna take alot of trying idk

[Heather]

I saw this site that said if u cant orgasm with clit stimulation theres something wrong

It's so important to be really careful about where you get information from, sex information very much included. There are MOUNTAINS of terrible, wrong sex information out there, especially on social media where platforms usually don't even allow the kind of format where someone could give good sex information if they wanted to. So, for starts, I'd start being real picky about where you get this kind of information. You are, right here, in a place with thousands of very carefully created, edited and updated articles, all fact-checked and regularly reviewed, that have award-winning information about orgasm, among many, many other things. If you're not totally feeling it here, or you'd prefer finding things out from books or videos, I'm always happy to suggest other actually credible and reliable resources. But randos on "this site" you can't even remember the name of? Ignore things like that.

You're a young person. Like bluespreadhseet also mentioned, tends to take people -- especially people with vulvas -- time, usually over many years, to become orgasmic and to become so in ways that usually feel satisfying, even with the variation that tends to happen with orgasm from day to day or experience to experience. And even then, our bodies and sexualities are always changing, so this often isn't a one-and-done situation, either: sometimes across a lifetime, people learn and relearn orgasm and other parts of sexual response whether that's about something like how a pregnancy or delivery has made changes, or it's about a life phase change, like menopause.

This isn't, however, usually about things like major differences in genital nerve endings, because orgasm doesn't happen in the genitals, it happens in the brain and central nervous system, and we don't even *need* to involve genitals to experience orgasm, it's just the way a majority of people do, most likely because a) our genitals are one of the places on our bodies that are the most rich with sensory nerve endings and the most responsive to touch -- other places with similar bundles of sensory nerve endings are our lips and the rets of our mouths, fingers and toes -- and b) because most people's understanding of sex and sexual response is limited to genitals or very genitally-focused.

It also isn't about variations in erogenous zones -- a term used to describe those areas of the body rich with nerve endings -- because sparing disabilities or injuries, we all are pretty similar in that respect. And again, orgasm is something that happens in our brains as a result of a whole group of things, it isn't just about being touched or touching ourselves a certain way or in certain places.

What often has a lot more to do with orgasm -- and if you want to know more about what it even is and how it happens, I'd suggest reading Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide and With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body -- than anything that's been mentioned here is what's going on in your head, not your genitals. Things like:
• Are you already turned on before you even start exploring any part of your body with touch? Or are you starting before you are turned on. At any point, are you actually really sexually excited or no?
• Are you focusing on exploring pleasure, and, if you're fantasizing in your head, fantasy, or are you focused on orgasm? In other words, is masturbation for you about exploring and expressing sexual feelings you are having, or exploring how your body feels when you touch it, or is it more of something you're making into a project or a job to just try and have an orgasm?
• Are you coming to masturbation already frustrated -- like because you want to experience orgasm but haven't -- or are you coming to it with an open mind and a relaxed curiosity, just figuring you'll have whatever experience you have without an attachment to any given outcome?

[icecreamqueen3]

I understand what u are saying thank you

1. Yes or else I wouldnt wanna do it tho if I dont get into it I just give up lol

2. I am tho sometimes in the back of my mind I do think about orgasms

3. It depends on my mood to be honest if i wanna use it as a stress reliever I may be more frustrated then when I wanna do it cause I genuinely want to

I also wanted to know does a vibrator have to be expensive for it to have better results or is that just a marketing thing

[Heather]

That's helpful, thanks!

So, something we know about orgasm is that when people focus on having them is when they are usually the LEAST likely to happen. Instead, it is generally best, all around, to try hard to let go of any attachment to orgasm, or any attachment to anything specific about a sexual experience. Think about it kind of like going for a walk on a nice day just because it's nice, not because you want exercise, to get to a place, a certain number of steps, or to feel a given way -- a walk where we don't make goals or plans, we just go outside to walk and have the experience of a walk, whatever it may be. That's more the way people who have sexual lives and experiences they enjoy -- orgasm or not! -- come to sex, as something that's about the experience and just going with the flow of whatever it is, not a destination. make sense?

Sex of any kind also isn't something we can generally count on as a way to relieve stress, and when it is, again, it's not likely to do that if we're not approaching it in the kind of way I just explained. Orgasm, too, won't be what releives stress anyway: something that only lasts a handful of seconds at a time just doesn't have that capacity, even though after an orgasm, we can tend to feel a release of some tension. But the tension that is releasing is more about physical tension created in our bodies as we go through a sexual response cycle, not stresses from other things. Those are only likely to be relieved during sex if pleasure and relaxation are our focus, not orgasm. I'd suggest you some up with some other things you can do to help you manage your stress besides this for now. <3