Can't Orgasm

[Mudskipper]

I'm a 19 year old (almost 20 now) female in college. I only recently started masturbating, like in the past year, and I'm a lesbian. I've never been sexually active nor had a long term partner. I've been experiencing some difficulty masturbating and can't find answers to explain everything I'm feeling. I have tired fingers and don't really feel much of anything. I also don't enjoy internal stimulation. I mostly just use toys on my clit. I also find my easiest way to build sensations when I lie flat on my back and tense my legs. I mostly use toys on my clit either through the hood or to the side. Pleasure will start to build up but then it just sort of disappears and I get bored, then my clit gets really sensitive. If I do something else for a few minutes my clit won't be sensitive anymore, but I usually lose all interest in masturbating and anything I was watching or reading. I have tired tensing up, relaxing, pulsing my pelvic floor, holding my breath, breathing deeply, all kinds of things. If I try to power through the sensitivity it doesn't really do much. I've had a few instances where I got much closer to orgasm, usually after a break following the first session. When this happens usually it builds and I'll shake and squirt but it doesn't actually feel very good, and at some point it just stops building. The sensitivity doesn't happen when I do this, I just eventually stop because I get tired. It's starting to really bother me because I often feel unsatisfied.

[amber]

Hi Mudskipper and welcome to the boards!

I have a few clarification questions that I think may be helpful. When you say you have tried fingers do you mean putting your fingers inside your vagina or stimulating your clit with your fingers? What sorta toys are you using? Where is your head at while masturbating? Are we just thinking about the 'end goal'?

My first thought is that maybe jumping right in with a vibrator directly on the clit could be making you really sensitive. I wonder if using your hands in that area or the vibrator less directly to start would help build arousal.

I would not do things like tense or hold your breath moving forward. Instead breathing deep and allowing your entire body to relax is best.

We often talk about the mind's impact on pleasure here - that is why I asked what you're thinkin about! I wonder if it could be helpful to take away the objective of orgasm for now and instead be present in the pleasure of each moment. That way if soemthing starts to not feel good you can just shift to something else.

[Mudskipper]

I have tried both with fingers, and I use both a mix of a bullet and a suction toy. I do usually build up to the toy with my hand, I just find that I don't really feel much until I do start with the toy. I also try to not get distracted but also not think too much about the end goal, but that can be hard sometimes.

[KierC]

Hey mudskipper!

Thank you for giving us more info, that’s really helpful!

I get it can be hard not to think about the end goal. We talk often here about how when you prioritize orgasm, it can make the whole sexual experience a bit more pressured because you’re expecting a certain response from your body that is, at the end of the day, involuntary. Know what I mean?

Do you tend to let your mind wander on its own when you masturbate, or do you watch any media or listen to anything? Maybe something like that could help you focus on the feelings, not the outcome. How does that sound to you?

I also want to say that you’re fairly new to discovering masturbation, and it’s totally normal to have this initial period of time be a bit more trial-and-error. You’re figuring out what sort of touches feel good for your body, which doesn’t always produce an orgasm. But as long as you’re following the good feelings you find, you may find it easier to orgasm once you learn more about your body. In the meantime, though, I’d enjoy the journey! Know what I mean?

[Mudskipper]

Thank you! I do watch things but I find when I get closer I stop paying attention so I probably get in my head. Probably a trial and error thing.

[Andy]

Hi there Mudskipper!
If you thing getting distracted might be an issue exploring different kinds of media (written, video, sound, comic, sound etc.) or your own fantasies might be helpful.
And maybe rather than as a trial an error I would approach this as a ""the journey is the destination" thing, because even if orgasm happens it is just a few seconds and just a small part of the whole experience, so if we think only about that and not about how to enjoy the pleasure from masturbation as a whole, we are missing out on a lot.

I also want to give you links to some of our articles where you might find more helpful and interesting context: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... -o-no-show

[Mudskipper]

Thank you!