How do we kick out my brother

[evenseven]

Hi to cut out as much personal info as possible, basically if my brother was living anywhere else, he'd 100% be kicked out by this point. Me & my siblings agree. But my mum is still in denial. She owns the family house we all live in. Despite this, we are all adults, so we still wish to make it happen.

He can survive on his own, he has a good job. But the issue is he is does not respect us & has no intention of leaving. So we were thinking of getting the police involved. But the only question is... how? If we call the cops with no plan he'll just retaliate later, and things might get violent. We have to actually plan this out ahead of time without him finding out. But I don't know how to actually do that. It feels like everyone is hoping somebody else will do something. Nobody has ever called police on a family member before, and it feels like a bag of worms that could quickly go out of control and mean nothing eventually.

I don't want that. I want to actually do this properly, with a plan, anticipate how he's gonna react and just put us in a good position where the law is protecting us. Where he's actually gone, and for good. Because right now my brother is running the show with physical intimidation and manipulation. We've exhausted all other options to make him leave or change his ways.

Do you have any general advice for how to go about making this sort of plan? Or what the next step is, who to go to help for this? So far we've recorded a ton of evidence, just stuck on what actual step to do next.

Tips or resources would be appreciated. Thank you.

[mikky]

Hey evenseven,

This honestly might be out of our scope. I'm really sorry that you and your family are in a situation right now where physical intimidation is a part of your life. But as for who to go for help, what the police might/might not be able to do, what things would look like after calling the police- it's all very situational, and without knowing any details about the situation or much about the law in Australia, really tough for us to comment on. Can you access any help through local support services that might be able to give you more localized assistance?

This directory might have some options for seeking assistance with family violence: https://mrs.org.au/services/
You might also take a look at our Abuse Safety Plan resource: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/abuse/safety-plan

Can you tell us if there's some other support we can offer, and if so, what exactly that would be?

[evenseven]

That's alright. Okay, I'll look at local support services in my area, it helps just to know that as a next step, so I appreciate it. The links share some helpful info as well, thank you.

Otherwise, I'm also facing some pressure to move out if I have such a problem with the situation. Especially since moving out is something I can control. It just feels unfair that the person drinking & doing drugs is the one who gets to stay at home and save money while the person who helps with chores & respects their parent is the one facing pressure to get out of that situation. I've been trying but I just don't know if getting my brother kicked out will actually work when the person who owns the house (my mum) is against it and the rest of my family isn't helping legally. So, I might have to move out. But I don't have enough money... I was thinking I would be able to stay with my family for a few more years before this happened. So I guess any resources to do with moving out would help as well, if possible, just in case we can't kick out my brother and I can't protect my family.

[char]

Hi evenseven. I can see how conflicting it can be to move out or not to move out. We don't have a specific resource on moving out per se (though we have similar articles that might help), but I think it'd be a good idea to make note of the following before considering moving out:

• What are your current daily activities? Is there anything you can consider doing to help you save up, such as selling your own items, providing a certain service, or getting a specific gig?

• Where would you like to stay if you decided to move out? How far would you like to move away from your family? If you move out, would there be a change in your activities?

• According to what I read, you mentioned that you and all your siblings, including your brother, live together in the same house with your mom; is that correct? Do any of your siblings know your plans to move out, and if they do, what do they think of it? Would they be able to support you in moving out?

• The same goes to your mom: would she be against you moving out, with or without knowing you do it because you want to keep a distance from your brother? How would it be safe for you to do so?

• Do you currently have a timeline/goal for how long would you like to plan your moving out--if it's a useful framework you'd like to use? If that's the case, how soon would you like to move out?

If you're planning on staying with someone else, we have an article on cohabitation you can check out: You, Them and a U-Haul: Considering Cohabitation . It may focus on living together with someone else, but the things you need to keep in mind shouldn't be drastically different compared to living on your own. From a survival perspective, this series for young kids who are homeless/unhoused could also be a good read: Kicked Out: A Survival Guide

Let us know if you have any questions

[evenseven]

Thank you so much for the list of questions to consider and the advice, it helps a lot, thank you.

[Straif]

I'm glad we were able to help. We're here if you need us!