I have not been told "The Talk"

ForThe20thTime · Fri Oct 16, 2026 4:13 pm

Hello, I am an 18 year old male. I was never told "The Talk". What is it anyway. I am aware of what the talk is, but don't know of its contents. But I do know little in general as I have have m##turbated many times and mostly it's due to a hairstyle and not the usual s#xual content mentioned on the website. (I don't know why, but I skipped directly to the topic of m#st#rbation as I'm familiar with what that is, but not the other s#x articles, should I read them?) With fanfic sites a lot of times I'd avoid the s#xual content but I'm wondering why K#nktober is popular. Sorry for censoring words here. I'm nervous to say them anyway despite saying 18.

Unread post by **Sofi** » Fri Oct 16, 2026 5:09 pm

Hi there, welcome to the boards.

There's no need to censor words here unless it makes you feel more comfortable to do so. "The talk" is usually referring to a discussion about what sex is, although often it doesn't involve much safety, consent, or inclusive information. That's why we're here!

I do think you should go through the site and read more articles. I'll link a few basic ones here, these are a great place to start. Let me know if you have any specific questions from these or if there's a more specific topic you want to learn about. Our site has thousands of articles, so I suggest exploring it more!

With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
What's Sex?
Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

ForThe20thTime · Fri Oct 16, 2026 5:33 pm

I was not told "the birds and the bees" at all (I'm from a southern United States state). The one thing I was aware about was masturbation for some reason. And mostly the masturbation was because of a pretty hairstyle, but not of a sexual act. I never had sex education at all and I'm unaware of many sexual things unless I looked them up on Scarleteen which I found online. I'm also wondering why it's a popular topic in fanfiction too (like the October challenges I keep hearing about) because I'm 18 now and I avoided those when I was younger. But why is it that for most of my life, my masturbation was due to certain hairstyles and images of long hair? I never had lube either. Why is it that I'm 18 and mostly unaware or don't know many things about sex?

Unread post by **Latha** » Sat Oct 17, 2026 4:22 am

Hi there, Forthe20thtime

Why is it that I'm 18 and mostly unaware or don't know many things about sex?

I think you are asking some great, important questions! We can try to find answers to this one together. To do that, I think we should start with how other people often learn about sex. As you noticed, there is 'The Talk' about 'the birds and the bees' that many parents seem to have with their children. Then, lots of people learn about sex from friends or peers or siblings. And many take sex education classes in school.

What has your education been like, generally? Did you go to a school, or were you educated at home? Growing up, did you know a lot of kids around your age? Did your teachers or peers ever talk about sex?

To address your other questions:

I'm also wondering why it's a popular topic in fanfiction too (like the October challenges I keep hearing about)

Hmmm... I'd guess that sex is a common focus of a lot of art because people make art about the things they are interested in, and many people are interested in sex. From a fandom perspective, sex is also a common intimate activity, so people might explore how certain characters have sex as a way of appreciating their motivations and relationships. Here's the Fanlore page on Kinktober in case you'd like to hear a little about the history of the event. (Fanlore is like wikipedia for fandoms and fan culture.)

But why is it that for most of my life, my masturbation was due to certain hairstyles and images of long hair?

I wouldn't say there is anything particularly strange in feeling sexual interest in response to seeing certain hairstyles--for lots of people, sexual attraction can happen in response to physical features, not just sexual activities.

ForThe20thTime · Sat Oct 17, 2026 5:18 am

I used to go to school, but in my US state, they never teached sex education to me. I obviously never learned about sex from others since it was never taught at school and I never saw any friend outside of school. Never had the talk either but I'm aware of what it's called and that others have it for some reason because I read a lot of Wikipedia and social media, so I'm using Scarleteen to learn about sexual topics because I found out about this website, as I'm 18. I noticed I never had "the talk" in my life, as parents never told me. But I'm trying to best to learn on this website, and it's great website too. Has a lot of information on sex.

Also have one question about masturbation, too. When I turned 18, it feels like I can do it multiple times a day to my penis and still get the white fluid (come) to come out, unlike the previous times where I could usually masturbate usually one time. And usually it was due to an image of long hair (on a woman) and I find it pretty, and something in me also makes it something that I masturbate to and then I come (as why is it a response to that and why do others have other interests that gets them off and masturbate to). Why is that?

Unread post by **Anya** » Sat Oct 17, 2026 9:32 am

Hey ForThe20thTime,

The internet can be a pretty vast place so we're glad you're here and happy to help you answer any questions. Were you able to read any of the articles Sofi shared with you? There's some pretty comprehensive information there so it would be a good place to start. Articles have the opportunity to go much more in-depth per-topic than we can here on the boards.

Masturbation and desire are certainly complex topics, but nothing we can't help you understand a little more clearly! First, on the question of why you feel more able to/interested in masturbating frequently, it really comes down to hormones. Hormones are biological chemicals in everyone's body that help us to experience emotions and desires, as well as how you grow up and go through puberty (i.e. growing body hair, getting your period or being able to produce sperm, mood changes). A change in hormones is very very normal at your age and is likely the reason you feel more inclined to engage in masturbation more consistently. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and the frequency you describe is well within in the common range we expect.

If you are not familiar with the idea of puberty, please visit: Not Everything You Wanted To Know About Puberty (But Pretty Darn Close).

On the question of why we desire and find some things sexually arousing, there are a lot of explanations; but most of all its really just a personal preference thing. Some people, like you, enjoy hair as an exciting sexual interest, and for others, any number of things could be exciting in the same way. All of this is totally normal and everyone has different attractions in this way. The reason you body finds masturbation to be a satisfying response to looking at or engaging with your desire is really just because that's how bodies work when were presented with things we find sexually appealing. To be aroused by them and then want to masturbate is very common. Now, of course this all relies on the fact that you are in a safe, private place to express masturbation, but generally speaking, masturbation is an understandable response to imagery you find appealing. Does this make sense?

For more info on masturbation, please read:
- Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

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