Doing too much

[icecreamqueen3]

When someone my age is even a little bit nice to me or considers me i imagine something like marrying them am i doing too much

[mikky]

Hi icecreamqueen,
What do you mean by "doing too much?"

It sounds like you are feeling a big hit or swell of positive feelings in response to kindness and attention, which makes sense to me considering the ways you've shared feeling quite negatively about yourself or like others don't like you. I think finding a balance and a sense of self-value can help mellow out this kind of big reaction or attachment to others.

[icecreamqueen3]

What i mean is my reaction disproportionate to what im receiving i think it is thanks

[Andy]

Hi there,

you know, there is no "appropriate" or "inappropriate", emotional reaction to things (which doesn’t mean everyone understands that), as it is not something we have any control over. Seeing a colourful balloon might be extremely exciting for a small child, while some adult won’t bat an eye because they have already seen many of them, and both reactions are okay.
But while there are no "wrongs" or "rights" with feelings, if they make us feel bed/overwhelmed/stressed, that is a sign to pay them some attention and look for ways to manage them. Ideally with a mental healthcare professional. Do you think this is the case for you?

But if you are asking only to check if it is "okay" to have such thoughts, it really is. And it can be helpful for you to realise these feelings as how certain things, like attention from other people, make us feel can certainly tells us something about us and can also change with how we change, like Mikky said.

[icecreamqueen3]

Ohh I understand and yeah I just feel like im too desperate lol

[Heather]

Hi again, icecreamqueen.

This kind of feeling is part and parcel of the self-esteem issues that I've been trying to talk with you about across both your accounts. When we have low self-esteem, we will often be super-duper hungry for any validation or attention, and we will often feel desperate for it.

But like I mentioned when I've brought this up before, we can't get self-esteem from other people, which is why I've been saying things like that someone wanting to have sex with you isn't going to be the magic fix it's sounded like you think it is.

The "self" part of self-esteem is critical. It's about our OWN value of ourselves, which, when we have some semblance of that, sets us up so that we more want to connect with other people for relationships or interactions that are mutually beneficial, and richer than just validation, rather than so we can feel better abotu ourselves.

I've asked before without getting answers, but I'm going to try again, because I promise you, if you can start doing some things that can help with your self-esteem, you are going to feel a lot better, all around.

Often that can look like putting a lot of time into things we feel good at or doing, that let us use some of our unique talents, skills and personalities in ways that make us feel good. For example, someone really good with animals might volunteer to work at a shelter. Someone who feels really good building things might help with something like a homeless housing building project. Someone good at music might spend lots of time practicing in ways that just let them enjoy playing (rather than trying to perfect something); someone good at art might keep a running journal to doodle in.

Per thoughts, someone whose brain keeps telling them they are no good may have specific sentences or phrases they come back at their brain with that help them get into a better headspace when it comes to thinking more kindly of themselves.

So: What things do you do, or ways do you work with your negative thoughts about yourself, that remind you, or help you learn, that you have value as a person regardless of what other people think, to help you improve your self-esteem?