never been in anything not even talking stage am i doing something wrong

[strawberrykiss]

im 19 and honeslty im at the point where im just wondering if ill ever be in anything romantic styles not even a talking stage or crush or nothing ( like yes ik im young still)

I dont think im unattractice person rlly i guess ive gotten compliments before but the confrimation that someone could find me attractive in that way. it sucks cause even friends say they can never see me in a relationship so im not sure if i should feel insulted but its lowkey the truth.

Im not saying I actively want my life to revolve around getting into a relationship im a very secure almost too independant realistic person, i guess what im saying is im confused? Like i know i can have the potential to be attracted to guys and sexual/romantic and can talk to guys and have guy friends but also its like what am i missing here? like i rarely find a guy attractive and if i do i doubt they would like me or i would do anything so it can never develop into a crush so im at an impass lol everyone i know has experienced something and im a romcom lover at heart and highschool went by didnt feel like i missed much but i dont wanna leave uni and dang time went by and its the same thing all over again.

I've known of one person that did like me but for me i was instantly turned off i didnt find him attractive and also i was more confused why he liked me sm considering he barely knew me. Like is that what it is like, i cant imagine liking someone sm without knowing them well but how do i do that if i dont approach argh such a silly cycle. Like its just so easy for everyone else and even now at uni theres legit no one ( i mean it im from a small place and small uni) and when i hear all my shitty friends story, drama and cheating i feel like i dont rlly miss much really but i just wanna say ive at least had one experience to talk about cause its getting embarassing.

do I keep waiting for the right guy to approach me or do something.....

[strawberrykiss]

Im the type of person who i think im very hyper aware, im good at reading peoples emotions and myself and pretty realistic, independant and have super high standards. But also I dont know if its holding me back in the relationship aspect either and this internalised reason why i cant bring myself to crush or like someone like i cant be those silly girls delusional and crushing like if i dont think they will like me ill go about my day and not pursue.

I have this mindset which i hate that i do but in the back of my mind im like i feel like i cant imagine liking anyone when im not even at the best version of myself. Like i doubt that guys will care sm anways but like for me its almost feels like im awlays chasing something bigger. Usually its school and getting good grades and the career i want for my future and a constant need to glow up especially my body like i dont hate it but i dont love it either.

its like if i was to describe myself i feel so mid in every aspect im pretty but not pretty enough for the decent looking guys ( im aware looks dont matter) and i get aproached randomly by not so much my type ( hate to call ugly but its those smoker and those red flags who just wanna hit up ) and it always makes me reassess like am i holding them to a high face value when i dont have it?

like i would say im smarter then the average guy i guess but not smart enough like your med level and to go for the smart ones, people say im tall which i guess for an asian but not even 170cm yet people expect me to be with someone shorter like its a constant joke and laugh from friends but it slightly bugs me?

like it feels slightly unfair that i just know the tall guys will go for the shorter girls and im not tall enough to be for the tall tall ones. I dont wanna settle for less so its just a constant like yep this is how it is.

I dont go about my day feeling dragged down by insecurity but it doesnt help either knowing that maybe im just putting too much pressure on myself to be this perfect version of myself. Like i feel like maybe thats why guys dont approach or like me ive been told im a tad intimidating which i argue is cause im just introverted and dont talk unless talked to but then become such a yapper.

But like what should i do is the only way to get over this is to achieve my goals and the typical be the best version and happy with urself. its a bit of a rant i know and i also know im not the only girl who feels like this im sure

[Becky]

Hey strawberrykiss! I hope it's ok that I merged your topics together. To me, they read as concerns about the same thing.

I completely understand how isolating and annoying it feels when all of your friends are pursuing relationships and hookups and you're just kind of over in the corner going "what is the big deal?" I was (am?) exactly the same. And you're right! What is the big deal? As you've noted, relationships can be fun and fulfilling but they're also not all there is to life. Our society definitely puts romantic/sexual relationships on a pedestal but they aren't the only kind of fulfilling relationships we can have.

Now, you've said a lot in these two posts. Can you maybe narrow down for me what you'd like our help with? I see maybe some confusion about whether or not you want to date and I see some insecurity/pressure on yourself to be a perfect version of yourself. How can we best help you?

[strawberrykiss]

omg im so sorry about such a lengthy yap I realised the second I posted that I said pretty much simaler things and wanted to take one down ( which realised u can’t haha). But tysm for ur reply hmm I guess any advice or fresh take as someone who’s used to being the listener friend. Like what should do to try get myself out there maybe I’ll even take a talking stage I just want to know that yep it’s overrated and happily continue with how I’ve been anyways and achieve my goals. I just hate feeling like I’m missing out on relationship experience and can’t have fun talks with friends about it ( missing bonding experience)

[Becky]

No worries at all! I just wanted to make sure we actually talked about what was important to you.

If you're interested in potentially dating (or just seeing what all the fuss is about) I think getting out and meeting people is the best way to do it. Are you apart of any clubs or groups at your college? I've always found this is a good way to meet like-minded people where you'll already have some things in common to bond over.

Or have you ever tried any dating apps?

[strawberrykiss]

Yep ive joined clubs and stuff for uni and first year hall where there was a lot of potential and this sounds so picky or somewhat maybe narrow minded of me but i feel like the issue isnt that there isn’t enough people I’m meeting. It’s just somehow every person I find potentially attractive are always taken so it’s like oh.. I feel like I’m and everyone else are leftovers and I’m not sure if I’m desperate enough to go on dating apps just yet. I just dk how something could start that’s the thing? like I’ve had friends that snap or hit up people in DMs but that’s so scary. Maybe I’m a self sabotager like I don’t even have pfp on socials Cuase it feels weird incase someone only wants to talk to me since they find me “hot” ( even tho it’s so normal for something to start that’s way) or whatever when that’s not how I feel on the daily arghh.

[Becky]

Ooo ok. Tell me more about "I feel like I'm and everyone else are leftovers". What do you mean by that?