I thought I only liked women, but..

[TransOrca_33]

Hi everyone, I've never used this before so sorry if this doesn't make any sense.
So for context I'm trans-masc, AFAB and identify in the middle of male and nonbinary. There's this one character that I experience really intense gender envy from, but I think it may actually be attraction.. I can't tell if I actually like this character that way, or if I want to be that character that way.
I think I only like women and also non-binary people, but I'm not quite sure anymore.
thanks
-Ben

[mikky]

Hi, welcome to the boards! I think this makes sense. It sounds like there's one specific character you've been feeling this sort of attraction toward, and it's hard to tell that apart from gender envy- or maybe, it's both...?
I have a few thoughts. One is that attraction can be made up of many things, such as admiration, a desire for romance or sex, curiosity, comfort, to name a few. The admiration or "gender envy" that we can experience I think can be a sort of attraction alone, and it can also lead to crush-y or sex-y attraction feelings. Does that make sense?

Another thing is that because this is a character and not a real human you know, this isn't someone who you'll ever have a physical relationship with- our attractions to fictional characters can certainly be informative of what we like in real life, but it can also be a fantasy alone. I think a lot of people find fictional men attractive who wouldn't want to pursue any sort of relationship with a man in real life. I've heard this from plenty of people here.

Last, it's ok for your sexuality to be complicated- people are complicated! Gender and what genders we tend to be drawn toward is just one piece of the whole big quilt that is our sexuality, and because human people don't fit very neatly into gender boxes, trying to figure out a perfect box for describing what kind of people we are attracted to can be tricky and will always be imprecise.

[TransOrca_33]

Thank you a lot for responding! I think I get it more now. I used to think that you just had to figure out if you were gay/bi/straight, but I understand it a lot more now. Do I have to/should I try to figure out everything about my sexuality or can I just kinda leave it the way it is? (if that makes sense)

[char]

Glad mikky's response was helpful, TransOrca_33! The thing with sexuality (which, as you can learn more in this article, consists of more than just attraction and orientation) is that figuring it out is a longlife journey. The way we understand ourselves can change over time, and it can be influenced by a lot of things: our age, the people we interact with, the media with consume, the changes our bodies undergo, and so on. Some people find it more helpful to take some time to figure things out every now and then, and come back to the drawing board whenever they feel like it. Others may not need to dedicate a specific time to understand themselves. Do you think it'd feel more reassuring to allocate some time to work through your identity?