Arousal / Low estrogen

[DulceDiva]

I've been off my bc for a while and my desire to masturbate hasn't increased. I have mentioned before that I didn't like masturbating , it felt as neutral as someone lightly tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention. I haven't been interested enough in the act itself to try in a long time. I am sexually attracted to insert celebrities here and enjoy reading erotic content about them. In real life I acknowledge that boys are attractive but I don't think abut hopping in bed with them the first time I see them. The first person I was both mentally and physically attracted to was someone I was friends with.I notice that he dressed nice but wasn't physically attracted to him the first time I saw him. Since then I haven't formed any friendships with boys like I had with him. I'm demisexual???? I can't really get toys considering I live with my family. I am not going through anything particularly stressful in my life right now. I do not notice anything physically abnormal on the outside. Maybe there is something internal because I have had some painful periods?

[Eddie C]

Or it could be that masturbation is not what you need/want/like. Not everyone likes to masturbate and there is nothing wrong about that. Just like there's nothing wrong if you don't like chocolate or going to the movies.

What label you used to identify yourself is going to be only up to you. You can even make one if none seem to fit but nobody can decide that for you.

I just want to add that sexuality is something that changes a lot. You might like things now that you won't like later or you might like things later that you don't like now.

[Heather]

Btw, it sounds to me like you're yet making more assumptions about things like hormones (why you think your estrogen levels are low, I can't say, especially if you haven't had them tested, though I don't know why you'd do that either, and that certainly would not be at all likely to be related to feeling ho-hum about masturbation).

Also, it's safe to say that most people in the world find that strong feelings of sexual desire tend to happen most often when they have some kind of emotional connection with someone else. In other words, most of the world, most of the time, appears to be demisexual by the usual definition of that term.

As I have mentioned to you before, my opinion with a lot of what you post about is that you are over-focusing on all this and your ideas about how things should be for you sexually, rather than just letting your feelings and desires be as they are so you can discover how you are. I think if you just do what you can to let go of the ideas you have about "shoulds" when it comes to sex and sexuality you're not only going to be able to discover how your sexuality actually is, you're also going to be a lot less concerned with it.

It seems to me we've spent a good deal of time with you debunking a lot of ideas you have based your notions of problems that I don't think actually are problems on. While that's certainly some of how we spend our time as a sex ed service, it just doesn't strike me as a sound use of your time and energy, and seems pretty counter to just letting yourself find out who you are sexually over time, and accepting that whoever that is, it's all good.

[DulceDiva]

I just want to be able to give my self an orgasm. I've mentioned before that I do enjoy a certain type of content , I do notice the following things when I indulge in this content. Lubrication occurs , breathing pattern may change. Despite that my distractiblity can be quite high. I tried masturbating again in combination with the content & found the physical sensation quite neutral. It was at night in my room , my door was locked and my lighting was dim the way I like it. Maybe I have less nerve endings than normal ? Maybe I'm hyperaware that I'm touching myself and not a partner. Lingerie might spice things up.

[Keda]

It really seems like you're treating masturbation as this exact science, where you just have to get the variables right and then - BAM - orgasm! I totally get the frustration of wanting to orgasm but just not seeming to be able to get there, but the best way to solve that problem, in my experience, is to try to forget about it - and like Heather said, just do what feels good and natural in the moment. If you're easily distracted, that suggests to me that you're probably not in the mood at those times, or maybe that there's something stressing you out so much that you're not able to relax and let go in the way that's pretty much necessary for good sex. You're a squishy organic human with an immensely complex brain - you can't concentrate on engineering pleasure and actually experiencing it at the same time.

[DulceDiva]

At night is the best time for me to try because of my living situation. I haven't even got past feeling indifferent towards masturbation . I was never expecting an instant orgasm but I was expecting it to feel good and not indifferent.

[Heather]

I really don't know what else to tell you, because I feel like much of what we offer you seems to be dismissed out of hand.

When you are loading this much pressure on everything, it WILL impact your ability to be very aroused or stimulated. I've explained this to you several times now, but either that's just not something you believe, or it's something where you haven't figured out yet how to work on for yourself (or don't really want to). Same goes for not masturbating if and when it doesn't feel compelling to you. These kinds of things just aren't things a person can force: they are things that you really have to be able to be more relaxed about and pursue when you're really feeling it, which isn't likely to happen when you are coming at it this way.

But truly, I believe we have said as much about this particular issue over several of your posts now as we can, especially since it just isn't feeling to us like what we offer is really landing with you, no matter how we try and come at it.

So, long story short: you need to figure out how to chill out about all of this and let things develop at the pace they will for you, rather than overthinking and pushing at all of this so hard. You need to figure out how to stop loading so much unto this. And that's really personal growth work for you to do -- should you choose to -- not something we can do for you.

[DulceDiva]

It seems I've exhausted you. Maybe I should talk to a sex therapist once I get insurance again? Any over the counter supplements I can take to increase arousal ?