Is it normal?

[Sam W]

With masturbation, people vary in terms of how often they do it. And, you'll likely find variation in how often you do it as you go through your life. People masturbate for lots of reasons, be that boredom or stress relief or a plain old "I am aroused right now." You're going to have a better sense of what makes you want to masturbate in a given moment than I am, because I'm not in your brain, but the fact that you're in a time in your life where some hormonal changes are happening may also be part of why you do it often. Does that make sense?

[Audryll]

Yeah I guess

[Sam W]

Have you had a chance to look into those other resources we were discussing? I ask because the more people you have on your side who you can talk to about these issues, the easier it will be on you.

[Audryll]

Yeah....

[Sam W]

If you're having trouble finding them, we might be able to help out. Is that something you'd be interested in?

[Audryll]

I don't know

[Sam W]

Okay, let's take a step back then. What, for you, would the next steps you'd want to take both in dealing with the situation with your brother and the situation with your boyfriend (you don't have to answer right away. You get to control the pace of what happens here)?

[Audryll]

I just wanna forget. I'll talk to him
.

[Sam W]

That's completely understandable. A lot of survivors find themselves wishing they could just wipe what happened from their memory, so you're not alone in feeling that way. I hope talking with your boyfriend goes well. I will say that how he reacts to you setting this boundary, and if he respects the boundary going forward, will tell you a lot about whether or not he is a safe and okay partner for you.

I do want to ask, do you feel safe at home ? It sounds like your brother is still living with you and your family.

[Audryll]

I don't know I don't know i don't know.

[Audryll]

Sorry I'm very overwhelmed...

[Sam W]

It's okay to not have all the answers right now. When we ask questions here, it's not about trying to get you to answer us a certain way. It's more about trying to get to know you and your situation, so we can figure out how we can best help you. From what you've said, it seems like your brother is still making you feel unsafe (the slapping your butt thing is not okay) and that's something that deserves to be addressed.

It sounds like it might be time to do a little self-care ( Self-Care a La Carte ). Talking about this stuff can be really intense and draining, and you get to take of yourself while you do that.

[Audryll]

Okay...

[Redskies]

Hi there, Audryll. Sam's stepped out for the day, but I'm here now. I'm happy to talk with you or just be here for you, if you like.

Sam suggested some self-care - what things do you usually do if you want to make yourself feel a bit better?

[Audryll]

Guitar

[Redskies]

Oh, excellent! What kind of music do you like to play?

[Audryll]

Any type. actually.
Btw people will be able to see all this?

[Redskies]

A real eclectic, then Do you play acoustic or electric, or both? I know more about acoustic playing (although I'm sadly short on knowing about great players and pieces), but I still know excellent electric playing when I hear it Do you have a guitar with you at the moment, and is playing something you feel like doing at the moment?

This messageboard can be read by anyone on the internet, yes. You haven't used any personal details, though - and we edit those out if anyone ever uses them - so your identity is private.

We do also have a live chat service which is only viewable to other staff here. If you feel like you want more privacy to talk, you can use the chat service during our scheduled chat hours. We can also sometimes arrange a chat by appointment, so I can also open the chat service for you right now, if you'd feel better talking there than on the boards?

[Audryll]

I don't know are you okay with tht?
Acoustic mostly

[Redskies]

Yep, I'm okay with that, which is why I offered It's really up to you, whatever you feel best about. I can post you the chat link if you need it.

Acoustic, cool! I love how with guitars, you can have the whole music, yourself and one instrument, accompanying yourself - or other people, as the case may be!

[Audryll]

Okay...
Yeah

[Redskies]

Sure. Here's the chat link: http://www.scarleteen.com/webim/client.php?locale=en

Just give me a few seconds to sign in so there's an operator available for you!

[Redskies]

Here's some resources and information like we talked about in chat that I said I'd put here for you. If I've missed something, or you'd like something extra, do nudge me! I'm putting in some extra things, too, where I think they might help you out. There's quite a lot of information here: no need to look at it all at once, it's fine to take your time however feels right to you.

We talked briefly about different kinds of abuse. The introduction, and then the first section "Defining Abuses" in this article: Blinders Off: Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault is more detailed than what I said to you in chat, and I think it'll be helpful to you.

These are two advice columns we have on the site, answering other people, where I thought you might find something helpful for yourself in them:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... xual_abuse
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse ... e_sexually

You were asking about making decisions about having sex and about condoms. In a nutshell, there's 4 things to consider when you're thinking about having sex:
- is everyone involved consenting and really wanting to do these particular kinds of sex with each other?
- pregnancy prevention, if you don't want to become pregnant
- protecting yourself from infections that can be passed on by sexual contact
- taking care of yourself emotionally: do you feel positive, happy, safe and healthy before, during, and after?

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist is a really helpful tool to help you figure out what's right for you and what you might and might not feel ready for.

If you want to know about condoms and how to use them properly, check out Condom Basics: A User's Manual.

Sex where everyone involved is doing what they can to lower the chance of passing on infections is called "safer sex". From what you said, it didn't sound like your boyfriend knows very much about how to have safer sex - or if he does, he isn't doing it and isn't talking to you about it. If he doesn't know enough about how to take care of his own health and his partner's health, then he's actually not ready for partnered sex with someone else. That's especially important if he's been sexually active before, like you said, because having previous partners means someone could have acquired an infection from one of them. That's more likely if he also didn't practise safer sex with those partners. So, what do we mean by safer sex? Check it out! Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To Honestly, I can't help but notice the giant gulf between the way it sounds like your boyfriend has been talking about all this and the information in that article. If he doesn't know at least most of that, or feels like it's beyond him or too much? Then truly, he's not ready to be a sexual partner, to you or to anybody.

For thinking about what's right for you emotionally, there's Safer Sex...for Your Heart

And finally! I figured that having the right words and language for some body parts might be helpful for you, so if it would, it's all in Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

I hope you're feeling okay and hanging in there.

[Audryll]

thanks

[Audryll]

since it the same topic..im gonna write it here okay..? sorry..
but...

tbh i shouldnt make a big deal out of this...right? he didn't know what he was doing.... i think... its just some kind of experiment right....? im just making a big deal outta nothing... right?sorry..im just stupid...