Several months into Covid and social distancing, how is everyone doing?

[Sam W]

This is mostly a space for processing/venting/just sharing where you're at now that we're several months into the pandemic. My state is gradually opening up which is...not great, in my opinion, given that the two major cities still had plenty of cases. I'm out in a rural county, but not loving how few people are bothering with masks or social distancing for reasons that boil down to thinking this is overblown.

How about y'all?

[0PT1M15T1C]

I didn't think being around people could more stressful is the biggest thing. With that though, I'm pretty used to this as the new normal.

Part of my province is opening up, one of the other major cities are still not allowed to because they still have quite a large number of cases, whereas my city, never really had any from the start. It does stress me out because there is still the social distancing protocols that people just don't follow. In my opinion I just don't feel the need to take chances that way.

I don't think online school has gotten much easier though sadly. I'm just really grateful that one of my friends families are taking it extremely seriously as well as mine, so we stay apart form each other and still get to hang out and explore where we live. My family and I also have been a lot closer and that's amazing.

[Kaizen]

I hate masks because they make me feel like I should be afraid for my life (which statistically I shouldn't, and even if I did being afraid wouldn't actually help). But I can't express this because people will take it to mean I don't wear a mask. (Which I do. And stay in my house where I don't have to wear one.)

I don't relate to the pervading message of "be gentle with yourself and don't force yourself to keep up with your goals during this time", because one of my goals I have no choice about ("explore this city more to enjoy it before possibly moving in two years") and focusing on the rest is what's saving me from spending all my time freaking out about when will I see my family again? when can I stop wearing a mask? will I get to go to the weddings I was supposed to go to this year? will I get to go to my dad's ordination in two years? will I get to have my dream wedding which mean one with lots of family? will live theater go extinct? will fountain pen shows go extinct? (This is why I can't let myself get going...) I don't feel motivated at all, but when the options are "do it anyway" or "freak out", one of those is vastly preferable.

I was already satisfied with my life as far as all the "quarantine upsides". Contact with family and friends? Cooking at home? Time with the person you live with? Time spent relaxing? I was already set for those. I'd even started baking at the beginning of this year. I wanted to spend more time going out and doing stuff. Ha.

Finally, I'm less of an introvert than I thought. I actually like talking to people in the checkout line, or complimenting their dog at the park, etc etc. Having to avoid everyone and have them all avoid me makes me feel so alone.

[Heather]

Kaizen (happy almost 100th post!):

I completely understand about the masks: I really, really don't like them either. As an assault survivor where one of my experiences involved my mouth and nose being covered, it cues trauma for me ALL THE TIME. As someone in menopause dealign with hot flashes and now having to wear masks in a humid, hot summer....well. Of course, I still wear them regardless, because my discomforts are certainly < other people's terrible deaths. But I hear you: it's hard to talk about feelings about them without assumptions being made.

I also hear you on the "don't pressure yourself" and such. I have an organization to run and a book under contract to finish writing, as well as the basics of my survival. I'd love to just relax, but....well. I can't.

I am finding that a lot of my friends are less introverted than they thought. For me, this isn't all that different from my life usually is, with the exception of so much extra suffering all around me and only being able to be outside in very limited ways (the outdoors is my mental health must, so that part is ROUGH), and I'm just as introverted as ever. But I've got a couple people I am now checking in on far more than I used to because they're having such a hard time with their contact with people changing.

[Amanda F]

I'm feeling upset about the way things are going in the US. Many states have decided to reopen and cases are on the rise again, which makes it seem like this is just going to continue dragging onward.

I'm trying to find safe ways to bring elements of my social life back online, like seeing friends for a walk outside while wearing masks. It's not the same, but it definitely helps. Being inside for days on end really takes a toll.

[Kaizen]

I'm on the other end of things-- it's hard for me to relate to... anyone in almost any other state when New York's new cases/deaths/hospitalizations are so low, and holding steady or dropping. And it's confusing because... I guess I should be mad we've reopened? But it's hard to when everything seems to be going fine. And I'm not even sure why it's going fine here when it didn't everywhere else. We waited longer to reopen I guess? And maybe people here are following directions better about avoiding other people and wearing masks? (I've only seen people not wearing them while camping, at the beach, and a couple families in outdoor lines. No one indoors, no one closer to others than six feet apart.)

So all the social media posts about how great masks are are driving me nuts because, see my previous post. I realize the audience for them is not me, it's people who aren't wearing masks and/or live in states where it's legal to not wear them. But personally such posts do me no good and I'm over them.

As far as dragging onward, I was already hearing in April that it was too late to end the pandemic by stopping the spread, and now we were stuck waiting for a vaccine/treatment. So I never had any hope that things would go back to normal anytime soon. ('Normal' seems to be a controversial word, so to clarify, the key elements of 'normal' for me are "there isn't a pandemic so I don't have to wear a mask and can travel out of state to visit my family and friends".)

[Sam W]

I hear you on those mixed feelings, or feelings that seem like they're running counter to what everyone else is expressing. I live somewhere that's had about ten confirmed cases (I suspect this is due mostly to us being rural, since many, many, many people here did not take the threat seriously), so it's weird to balance the things I know about the pandemic overall (including the spikes happening other places) with the relative non-chaos in my immediate area.

[bikinksterboy]

I was hit pretty hard at first. Nowadays I'm basically fine. I already kind of lived like this before, but it's all the little moments that I can no longer have and avenues of Socialization I don't have access to anymore even if I would never have done them in the first place that affects me. I've gone through my mourning period though and now I'm in a weird combination of grim determination and optimism. I occasionally check the news, but I really can't some days, and I've been doing so much much less than I used to. I already went through my period of obsessive feed-checking, but I literally can't afford to do that for my own mental health now.

[MeditationBowl]

I've been doing pretty well for the most part, but I feel sort of - I don't know, gaslit I guess? - because I'm trying to follow the guidelines the government has put out here, but people keep reacting like I'm being way over the top. Anyone else dealing with this? I'm grateful to be in a place where covid is under control for now, but it's still frustrating.

It wasn't so bad when I was living with my partner, but we recently moved back in with our families. Both households already have other households in their bubbles, so I don't really feel comfortable joining the bubbles, which means my partner and I need to social distance now. Obviously we don't love having to social distance, but I also feel bad because everyone is saying it's unnecessary and being pretty lax with social distancing, so bubbles feel kind of moot anyway. It feels like I'm being irrational and making things harder for no reason.

[Sam W]

Hi MeditationBowl,

You're definitely echoing things I've heard from other people, and something I've felt a few times myself, where it feels like taking it seriously is seen by a lot of people as being silly or overreacting, in spite of that being patently false. It honestly feels a bit like being the character in a horror movie who keeps going, "maybe we keep the door locked so the zombies can't get in" while everyone around you is insisting that the zombies aren't that big a deal and they heard most people don't get bitten so it's fine to leave the doors open (to clarifying, I'm not comparing folks who have contracted COVID to zombies, I just watch a lot of horror).

[thewrit3r]

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions for sure for me but thankfully my family and I have been safe and well, which I’m very grateful for. I also started my first full time job post college this week, and while it’s obviously not ideal working remotely with all the training and learning I have to do, I’ve found a great community of people I’m working with who have supported me immensely during this strange post-graduation/middle of pandemic job transition.

But as mentioned earlier I do wish more people would take the virus seriously. People make it seem like you’re “paranoid” if you’re taking legitimate steps to the best of your ability to keep everyone healthy. I don’t understand why that’s a political opinion since it’s based on science, but given our current political climate I guess I shouldn’t be surprised...

[Ruby S]

I think this pandemic is triggering a lot of people to realize that the things that they felt kept them safe - a routine, a steady job, paying rent and other bills, trusting the government - don't really keep them safe right now. I think that's part of why tensions feel so high and why everyone's trying to control other people (whether it's encouraging them to stay in and take the virus very seriously or go out and stop believing that it's a thing).

I can only speak for myself, but I know this is bringing up a lot of deep wounds about fear and security and trusting others and what I do and don't have control over. I think that's one of the ways I'm coping, to look past the surface and see what's underneath all of this, to see what I can access that I may never have needed to just go through the motions and conforming to a system that's systemically oppressive because that's what was expected of me. It still is, in ways, but in others, we have an invitation to question that really dramatically and imagine into what else is possible. It feels like an unveiling for me. Certainly uncomfortable and heartbreaking and infuriating and terrifying, but I'm trying to access curiosity and pleasure where I can, and lean into grief and stress where I can (without going past my realm of tolerance), which can be a tricky balance.