Quarantine Relationships

[Liltimmyt]

Hello! So I used tinder passport while it was free and met this guy from Oregon (I am from Wisconsin). I really like him and he is a great guy and is everything I'm looking for in a significant other. I've never met any boy more kind, genuine, and honest on tinder or even in person honestly. The problem is we'd have to do a long distance relationship and he's had a bad experience with that so he's not keen on trying it again. I don't want to be pushy and ask him to try to make long distance work, but I want to take things a step further than they are already. Right now we just snapchat, mostly text but sometimes send videos (and we send nudes). But I'd like to talk with him over the phone or FaceTime him, he is just nervous about it. I don't know what to do to make him not nervous and I don't know if it's a sign he doesn't like me as much as I like him. He's made me not interested in other guys because I like him so much, and I'm also the only girl he is talking to. Do you think there is anyway I can make something more serious work between us? How do you suggest I go about it?

[Sam W]

Hi Liltimmyt,

The tricky thing is that for something more serious to work, you both have to be excited at the idea of trying it out. And right now it sounds like he isn't. So if he's made it clear he's not comfortable with those other modes of communication right now, the kindest option for both of you is to stop pushing for them, at least for now.

That being said, there are still some things you can do to help you both figure out where this relationship is headed.
For instance, have the two of you talked at all about what you're each hoping for from the relationship? If so, how have those conversations gone? And while I think taking the pressure off in terms of calling or FaceTime is sound, if it's more a situation where he really does want to do those things but is a little nervous, have the two of you talked at all about what would help him feel more at ease?

[Liltimmyt]

Yes we’ve talked about it a little. I mean originally he told me he just wanted something fun and more casual. But we talked more and he said he’s not completely closed off to the idea of having a more serious relationship with me. He said he’d date me if I was closer. As for FaceTime or phone calls, I’ve tried to explain to him that he has nothing to feel uneasy with me about, but if he’s not ready I’m not going to push him. I just am liking him more and more and I think we’d be good together, and so does he. It’s just very frustrating that the distance is keeping us from pursuing anything further because I think it would be worth a try. I like him so much I actually am not interested in pursuing anyone else, which I haven’t felt in a long time.

[Sam W]

Got it. It sounds like, then, the next step may be to talk about what the relationship is going to look like since you don't live closer, and what you'd each want or need from a long-distance relationship if you continue to pursue it. If you feel kind of stuck in how to approach that talk, this article has some really good tools: Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models.