Female Orgasm ?

[Hann.o.909]

i cant seem to orgasm when i masturbate , whenever i try my lower body shakes intensely to the point where i cant continue. Ive tried going slower but then i seem to be there forever !! Does anyone know how to stop the shaking ?

[Heather]

You know, sometimes orgasm isn't the way people expect it to be. It might very well be that that shaking *is* part of orgasm happening: it is for a lot of people some of the time.

Can I ask what you're waiting to feel with orgasm that has you thinking it isn't happening for you?

[Hann.o.909]

Some kind off release or something that feels different i guess. If i stop direct stimulation then i stop shaking immediately and when i start off masturbating the shaking starts within a few seconds ?

[Sam W]

It may that the fact that you shake so intensely you need to stop stimulation is a sign your body has hit that point of release. Orgasm involves involuntary muscle contractions, so that could also be at play here. If you're curious, you can read more about how orgasm often looks and feels in this article: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

Can I ask, is masturbation fun or pleasurable for you, even if you're not sure whether an orgasm is happening?

[Hann.o.909]

It is pleasurable but after i stop i feel somewhat sexually frustrated, like i need to just carry on.
Thanks for the replies !

[Heather]

Gotcha.

So, that can happen for a few reasons. For sure, one of them can be that you didn't reach orgasm. But that can also happen even when you do. If you don't mind me asking, when you're masturbating, does that -- in and of itself -- feel very satisfying and pleasurable? Or is that feeling like it isn't really delivering for you, either?

[Hann.o.909]

I feel as if its not delivering

[Sam W]

Got it. Can you give me a sense of how much experimenting with different ways of masturbating you've done? And when you masturbate, is your brain engaged and turned on along with your body?

[Hann.o.909]

i haven't done much experimenting other than different speed and pressures, i try to focus on the feelings that im experiencing to keep my brain engaged.

[al]

Hi hann,

Have you ever tried using something other than your hands, like a vibrator or DIY sex toy?

[Hann.o.909]

No i haven't.

[Amanda F]

Hi Hann.o.909,

Everybody is different, and every body is different. It's possible that your body might respond better to something besides your fingers, at least some of the time.

Here's a guide to making or finding your own sex toys: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

Would you feel comfortable trying to masturbate with any of those items? You could explore and just see how it feels, and whether it's any different from the experience with your hands.

[Hann.o.909]

I have tried the old shower head technique and i do enjoy but i think it might be too powerful because if im standing i almost fall over and the toothbrush technique doesn't seem to do much. I think im going to look into some actual sex toys and maybe strengthen my pelvic muscles.

[Heather]

Given you're a young person, unless you have had something that would create issues with those muscles -- like a recent vaginal birth -- it is highly unlikely you need to work on those. It's also very unlikely that's why you're not experiencing pleasure or orgasm. It sounds pretty clear to me this isn't physiological.

What it sounds like *to me* is like you probably are experiencing orgasm: that shaking sure sounds like it, but that because the lead-up to it isn't something you are finding very satisfying or pleasurable, even when orgasm happens, you still feel unsatisfied. Orgasm, all by itself, isn't usually what leaves people feeling satisfied, but it's also a lot harder for it to feel that great when what got us there wasn't even more exciting and satisfying. When we aren't that excited in our heads but reach orgasm anyway, that's when we most often experience very mild orgasms that just don't really deliver. Understand what I mean?

If toys excite you, then for sure, some toys might be good: if you have access, you may want to start with something like a better vibrator than an electric toothbrush, pair that with something that gets you very mentally turned on -- like some kind of fantasy -- and see if that leads you anywhere. It just sounds to me like the mental piece may actually be what's missing most here. If you don't feel very excited while any kind of sex is happening, it usually just won't feel that satisfying if and when orgasm happens.