Getting annoyed because anal is painful for me.

[KittyPink]

I've trying to do butt stuff for awhile and I keep having to chicken out because of how painful it is. I enjoy it when it's not painful any advice?

[Jacob]

Aside from lube, patience, and knowing-when-to-quit, my advice is sorta limited!

Maybe it's something that can't be a big part of your sex life if it only feels like it clicks and feels good rarely?

[WednesdayA]

First thing first - it is great that you want to explore this further, advise is different for everyone but it truly does come down to the want of doing it. So if you're sure it is something you truly want to do for the pleasure side there a couple of things to try.

First the obvious is using lubrication - always start with this. In the future you may not need it but at first it is a need.

Second, make sure to have a lot of foreplay to relax your body and really get your mindset right.

Third, gentle massage around the area including perineum will loosen the muscle and help relax the area - do this with the lube.

Fourth, try insertion moving up in size. So for example start with a finger - try some anal butt plugs (training ones are great)!

Do all the above each time you want to try for anal but accept sometimes it just won't happen we aren't always in the right mindset and a head thats focus is distracted or a body not relaxed can make the pain worse. Give your body time to adjust and do not get annoyed at yourself the process is perfectly normal. Finally there are some anal relaxants available, herbal ones, that may help. Read up on them and see how they sound.

Good luck, don't give up if it is something that you really wish to be part of your sex life but do give it the time and respect it needs to happen. Also it does not need to be a regular occurrence, I really enjoy it to but I limit it as well. Which actually makes the experience more exciting and when we do.

[Amanda F]

WednesdayA has great suggestions!

KittyPink, you may find that it feels different when someone else is inserting something anally vs you inserting something yourself (a finger, an anal-safe set toy, etc). I'm not sure whether you are experimenting with a partner - have you tried doing this to yourself? That might be a way to get your body accustomed to the feeling while remaining in total control, which can help you relax.

And I can't emphasize the "lube" enough. MORE LUBE! Start with more than you think you need, and add more as you go. The rectum and anus don't lubricate themselves so you only have whatever you add, and it will dry up/get absorbed over time.

Use caution around the herbal relaxants - most of them haven't been studied. Definitely do not use any kind of numbing agent - those may stop the pain, but if you're in pain, then it usually means you need to pause and relax further. The "pain" signal is your body telling you to go slow in order to avoid injury, so you do need that signal so that you don't accidentally hurt those delicate tissues.

[KC]

I may not be as experienced with this but I totally relate- anal is great when it's not painful but without prep? ouchy ouch ouch. I'd definitely take WednesdayA's advice on this.