Sexuality With Religious Matters

[Sunny_Side_Up]

So this might be a bit long but I honestly need some help. I’m 13 turning 14 in a month. I grew up Roman Catholic meaning I can’t be anything but a straight young lady. I’ve heard thinks such as you’ll go to hell if you like the same sex and many other sayings that are quite similar. Now one of my number one fears are dying and going to hell. But I’ve begun to realize as I scroll through Instagram or look at a magazine I’ll come across an image of a women and say to myself, “0h, she’s really hot/cute/sexy.” And then I’m like wait!?!?!? Did I just think that???? About a women???? And it’s basically the same as if I’m looking at a guy. So I’m getting some bisexual/pansexual vibes. And I’m really scared because I was always taught man was made for women, women was made for man. I don’t want to go to hell but I think I’m at least bisexual. Or is it normal to be straight and still find girls sexually appealing? I have no idea. I’m scared and believe in Heaven. I’ve heard that your not going to be able to got to Heaven as long as your not straight so I’m so, so scared. Please help me. I’m miserable.

[Sam W]

Hi Sunny_Side_Up,

I'm so sorry that you're finding yourself in a position where you're afraid that your sexual orientation means you can't live according to your faith, or that it puts your soul in jeopardy. Before we do anything else, I want to give you this resource: http://queergrace.com/. Queer Grace is a site by and for LGBTQA folks who are also Christian, and does a really good job of offering alternative interpretations of scripture that might be really helpful to you right now.

Too, I want to offer you something queer and trans Christians I know have said. That is, that their sexual orientation and/or their gender identity is part of how the divine made them. Does that make sense?

As to your questions about your orientation, how (or if) you choose to label it is up to you. If you're noticing you feel attraction to more than one gender, then that is often an indicator that you might be bi, pan, or some other form of queer. I think this article might be really helpful as a starting place, especially the section about questions that can help you sort through your orientation: The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone

[Vermillion]

Hi! I'm so sorry to hear they you're struggling with religion and sexuality. I also grew up roman catholic, so i can totally empathize with your situation. Being very connected to your religion makes going "against" it very hard. However on that end there's a lot of misinterpretation and stigma around homosexuality in the bible, as Sam's links pointed out. Regardless, i know the biggest teaching of churches is that god loves everyone. God loves you no matter what, and he wouldn't have made you bi/pan if he had a problem with it. This isn't something you can control, and as long as we're good people, i don't think god cares if we like men or women or anyone in between. Your relationship with god is between you and him, so don't worry about what members of your community think. That being said, take some time to figure yourself out, maybe pray about it if that would help, and remember that no matter what you're loved, especially by god.

[idk anymore]

In my honest opinion, you don't know whats going to be up there until you get there. No one who has ever told you that is dead, so they have no idea. At the end of the day, you can't beat yourself up over what other people tell you, or what a really old book says. Its up to you to decide what you think is right and what you think is wrong. I'm sure you'll make the right choice. Believe your head. Follow your heart. Obey your stomach.

[LovePineapples]

So this might be a bit long but I honestly need some help. I’m 13 turning 14 in a month. I grew up Roman Catholic meaning I can’t be anything but a straight young lady. I’ve heard thinks such as you’ll go to hell if you like the same sex and many other sayings that are quite similar. Now one of my number one fears are dying and going to hell. But I’ve begun to realize as I scroll through Instagram or look at a magazine I’ll come across an image of a women and say to myself, “0h, she’s really hot/cute/sexy.” And then I’m like wait!?!?!? Did I just think that???? About a women???? And it’s basically the same as if I’m looking at a guy. So I’m getting some bisexual/pansexual vibes. And I’m really scared because I was always taught man was made for women, women was made for man. I don’t want to go to hell but I think I’m at least bisexual. Or is it normal to be straight and still find girls sexually appealing? I have no idea. I’m scared and believe in Heaven. I’ve heard that your not going to be able to got to Heaven as long as your not straight so I’m so, so scared. Please help me. I’m miserable.

Hey! Honestly, don't beat yourself up for your feelings. It's completely natural. I will say this though; if your family is really strict (and you're scared they might kick you out/hurt you if they found out about your feelings), it's best to prioritise your safety. I wish my parents were accepting of my sexuality (they're strict Muslims) but I know it probably won't happen, and I'll personally be waiting until I move out to open up to them, since I wouldn't be in danger then.

On the question of religion and what God thinks, just consider this. God created you. You can't control these natural feelings. You are his creation, and as his creation, you're attracted to both women and men. God won't hate you for that, if you're religious, then you believe that he made you. If you baked a cake, would you get mad at it for being a cake? No. You are who you are. God knows that. He won't send you to hell for it, I promise.

[idk anymore]

Also, the Catholic Church is a very forgiving organization, at least it's supposed to be. One of the greatest tenets of Catholicism is confessional, and the idea that even the worst of people can be saved. At the very worst case scenario, if you change your mind, and you feel bad about it. You can just confess and you won't go to Hell. Or, at least, that's how it's believed to work