Why is BIGGER better?? Better yet how can I make my body accept it?

[Crystal_River]

I have been chatting with this boy since March, we did get together a few times but never any sexual play. Couple weeks ago and we tried to have sex, and he is on the larger side, not THAT big, but a big plus from the other two boys I have been with. He is very kind and considerate and patient, but any kind of attempted sex is uncomfortable and frustrating and a little painful. TONS of lube and as much forplay as we can get in with the available time we have, but for me I have had no luck.
What is really frustrating is that I would prefer having sex with one of my two EX's instead, at least sex was easy and comfortable and not a hassle. I am not going to tell him this, but this is what I start thinking about when we try and have sex together.
And I have watched some porn, and you see these girls take a large size with no problem. HOW DO THEY DO THIS?!?! Is it all just experience? DO they all take yoga classes??
Either way I don't understand why bigger is better.

[Sam W]

Hi Crystal_River,

Ouch, that sounds uncomfortable! While there is still the cultural message that larger penises are somehow "better" or more desirable, as you're learning firsthand that there's nothing inherently better about them. And that, sometimes, they pose their own challenges.

One thing to try, if you haven't already, is to experiment with different positions to see if there are ones that make vaginal sex more comfortable. However, if you notice that it's just uncomfortable no matter what, it may be better to switch to doing things other than vaginal sex. That way, you two are still enjoying yourselves without putting you in a position that's painful. Do those sound like things you could try?

AS for how porn stars do it, some probably do practice and gets used to inserting larger objects, but porn also involves things like editing, so you never have any idea how much trial and error went into doing so.

[Crystal_River]

My belief is that a bigger penis is simply abnormal. The darn thing doesn't fit and all it creates is one ugly challenge. Maybe I should judge boyz on penis size from now on?
The one position that sorta works is being on my hands and knees. Still uncomfortable but I'll give it time. And he is not like massively huge, just bigger and a bit of an unwanted challenge.

[Sam W]

I certainly get where that feeling is coming from! Sometimes it helps to remember that there is a lot of variation in how penises are, and each comes with it's own challenges and benefits.

If it's staying uncomfortable no matter how you try it, then I think we're back to focusing on other ways of being sexual together for the time being. While practice can be helpful, at a certain point it's not all that great to keep trying for an activity that causes you discomfort when there are lots of other options out there. In fact, you and he could look through this checklist for some ideas: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist.