Is this normal

[chungr260]

Hello,

I was in a sexually abusive relationship and was going a lot better than I was before previously but recently I’ve struggling a lot again. Whenever I have flashbacks or anxiety I for some reason start scratching myself really hard. It’s usually on my wrist, chest and torso. The scratching is sometimes so bad that I bleed but usually it just goes really red and the skin area becomes raised. I don’t understand why I do this and it’s not something that I can stop intuitively. Is this normal?

Thanks

[Sam W]

Hi chungr260,

Scratching like you're describing is a form of self-harm, which is something that (unfortunately) some survivors of sexual abuse struggle with. I'm so sorry you're dealing with it, and that you've hit a rough patch in your healing process. Have you ever gotten support from a professional, like a counselor, about the abuse? And have you told anyone aside from us about the scratching?

Since you mention it's hard to stop or redirect once you start scratching, I want to give you this list of alternative ways of coping with the feelings that trigger the scratching to start. I like this list because it's broken down by the feeling behind the urge, so you can pinpoint what might help more easily: https://www.glbthotline.org/uploads/5/1 ... e_2018.pdf

[chungr260]

Hi Sam,

Thanks for replying. At the back of my head I knew what I was doing was self harm but I think I didn’t want to acknowledge it because I’m really ashamed of it. I’ve had a counsellor which helped me get past a lot of things and feel better but I have now rebounded back to my previous self. For some reason I have only started this habit recently. I’ve never ever done something like this before which is really strange. I’m not sure why I have started doing this now and not before. I’m thinking it may be to do with me starting a new high stress job but I am not sure.. That pdf you sent me was really great but I don’t know why I am doing this so I can’t follow any of the alternate calming methods suggested. It’s feels like I am doing it because of all the causes stated but also other reasons?? I’m not too sure...

[Sam W]

You're welcome!

Sometimes it can help to think of self-harm as something to be ashamed of and more like a signal from ourselves that there's something is up and we need to get support. You mention your counselor helped you in the past, is that someone you're still seeing or could reach out to again about the self harm issue?

It can definitely be tricky at times to identify what you need when that self-harm urge arises. What if, as a precaution, you picked some things from that PDF and made yourself a menu of things you could try as an alternative to self-harm. That way, if you're not sure what's driving it, you can start working your way through the menu. You could try picking things that you know you enjoy or are distracted by to start the menu off with.