I’m ready now

[sky]

I need help. I really really need help. What’s the difference in normal therapy and someone who is like a specific lgbtq+ Therapist. I had a girl and we had plans to meet up and have sex and I flipped out because I can’t be gay. I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried talking to a guy and I said yes to a lunch date socially distanced and then I freaked out on him too. I’ve been shaking and crying for the past 20 minutes and I don’t know what to do. Will therapy make me okay being lesbian? Or what? I don’t understand what it is supposed to do. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do anymore. Please don’t be mad at me I just am at rock bottom and I don’t have help I don’t have any friends I don’t have anyone. I’m trying so my family loves me and they won’t ever love me so why am I trying to be loved when no one will love me. I need help and I don’t have money and I don’t have any idea how to get it I’m scared to get it