Gender Change in Dreams

[curious88bee]

Hi, I had a dream where I changed genders with my girlfriend, in the dream at first I was sitting in a bath masturbating as a woman and I seemed to be really enjoying it, I knew i was me but a woman, then a man entered the bathroom but it was my girlfriend as me, we kissed and I touch his/her p***s stroking it and then put it inside me, i was highly aroused by this and really enjoyed it at the time when i was dreaming, I find this strange and really weird. Has anyone had any similar experience or any helpful thoughts and opinions on why this would happen?

[Sam W]

Hi curious88bee,

Well, one potential reason is that dreams (and brains) are weird; they mix together experiences and ideas and emotional responses in ways that might not make sense to our waking selves, or even align with things our awake selves would want. For instance, do you find yourself wanting to experiment with your gender in your waking life? Or was this a one-off that doesn't really match how you feel about your gender?

[curious88bee]

Hi Sam,
I am happy with my gender and have no queries about it or want to experiment in my waking life, my girlfriend and i have a good sex life together also. But it has happened before, not very often tho, i have been lucid in my dreams and realized i was a woman on a few occasions but this was the first time that i every masturbated as a female and had intercourse as a woman. What i find strange about this is that i enjoyed the experience and it has now left me dumb founded as i never had any questions about my gender before.

[Sam W]

It might help to think of the dream in the same way you would a fantasy. Sometimes we fantasies about things that we have zero interest in actually engaging in in the real world. They can be fun or pleasurable to imagine but not mean anything bigger about our sexuality or gender as whole. Does that make sense?

[curious88bee]

Ya, that makes sense. Like today i have been just doing loads of research on the subject of dreaming, sexuality and how our bodies are made up of the male and female senses using both the left and right side of the brain, maybe one sense just needs more space every now and again and its just through dreams that it can manifest and achieve these things and the space required to do so. Thanks.

[Sam W]

I'm glad it lead you to do a bunch of research, it can be nice to have a chance to feed your curiosity that way. If you've been reading up on gender and brains, this article (and the book it discusses) does a great job of outlining our current understanding of the gender (or lack thereof) of human brains: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00677-x

[curious88bee]

That article was an interesting read, there is so much that we do not understand about the human body despite all of the technological advances that we have made in recent years. Its also been interesting to find out that children inherit their IQ from their mother, whereas it was always thought to be given from the father. We learn something new everyday!!

[Amanda F]

Hi curious88bee,

I'm glad you enjoyed the article! About IQ and sex/gender - it's actually even more complicated! IQ (which is only one measure of intelligence, and it's actually pretty flawed) is what we call a "polygenic" trait. "Poly" (many) "genic" (genes). In other words, there are lots of genes involved, and it doesn't just come from your mother (although some scientists have argued that the fetal environment can influence intelligence).

To make matters more interesting, it's not only our genes - the environment we're raised in is also a contributing factor. Think about how some children are raised in family environments that really push education, whereas other kids aren't. Some families have access to really good schools. There are so many things that can affect development of intelligence.

Sorry for the tangent - just wanted to add some more info because it's so interesting! And to come full circle - humans are complicated, and it's not surprising at all that we might have dreams or fantasies about being in different bodies or enjoying sex in different ways.

[curious88bee]

Hi Amanda,
You are correct, nature versus nurture, yes the environment that we are raised in does play a big part in how we grow and evolve into intellectual beings. Heritability seems to be amazingly complicated subject that a lot more intelligent people than me have spent long frustrating days pondering over. Humans are complicated but maybe that's what make living enjoyable, it would be boring if we were all to be the same. As for my dream, it was enjoyable, what has also been enjoyable is the research and information that i have found today while pondering on the subject, not that i am really any more knowable about how my mind works but that there is nothing wrong, weird or strange in having sexual fantasies that give us a different and interesting perspective on the world around us.

[Amanda F]

Hi curious88bee,

You might enjoy the book "Tell Me What You Want" - it's all about a huge research study that looked at people's sexual fantasies. Spoiler: basically no fantasy is unheard of or weird.